Saturday, November 25, 2006

Pineapple Abducted!

After having recently solved the space-time hoop question put to her by OneEar, Ms. Pineapple has been selected for higher orders of business by Earth's closest galactic neighbors who have been frustrated until now at the lack of substrate they have been observing in WalMart. It was the Cheerleader Advisor's lack of response to OneEar's inane proposition that first showed up on the observer's radar screen. Expecting a smart-alecky remark from someone with her particular background and social restraints, the Neighbors were intrigued by the silent contemplation. Following this, much to the Neighbor's delight, Pineapple posted a simple mathematical explanation as to why repetitive singularities are impossible within the same material subset (i.e., "our" universe). She also posted the axiom that singularities occur, repeat and are in constant flux, but not within the same dimensional realities. That also, incidentally, explains the single lost sock after the dryer has completed its cycle.
Following Pineapple's posting, the Neighbors deftly manipulated the space-time continuum such that the posting was erased three seconds before it was uploaded, took her out for dinner and drinks, then brought her back to their place where they made mad, passionate love. She earned it, for God's sake. They then eliminated all traces of her on the Internet, along with all of her clothes, and suspended her naked, in a post-orgasmic slumber, over the family farm of that good-looking kid in high-school who said "no" to her invitation to the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Thursdays with Cocoa -- Christmas is Back

Good news! Wal Mart has announced that this year they will label 60% more of their merchandise "Christmas" rather than "Holiday." At least the religious conservatives can claim one victory—putting Christ back into our biggest commercial holiday.

The Unichurk needs to create some holidays. Perhaps this is the way we can get our message out to the kids This coupled with Miss Litzi's suggestion for free (or at least discounted) beer and free (or at least discounted) dope might just be enough to counter whatever Santa/Jesus can provide.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Never fear, Litzi

All is clear on the fireplace bricks. And the main reason OneEar breathes down my neck is because, when he is unfortunate enough to have me around, he is substantially taller than me. He can't help it. And don't listen to him about the link; Cocoa and I take exception.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Pucker up and pee

Miss Litzi, can you please offer an explanation for the panty-wadiosity of these Austrian "feminists" and help us to understand their need to poke their noses into the men's room to enlighten us all on how we should micturate in an acceptable fashion according to their universe?

Thursday, November 02, 2006

And as fast as that, it was over

Thursdays with Coco -- Magic Flags

Recently, I spent a few days at a resort, and interspersed among the beach chairs at this resort were several small flags. I discovered that if I raised one of these flags (using a rather simple pulley mechanism), a pretty girl would appear bearing a small tray and a pad of paper, and she would proceed to ask if there was anything I needed.

Just before my departure, I stopped in at the hotel gift shop to discover if they had any of these flags for sale – they replied, no.

Would anybody know where I might be able to obtain one of these magic flags?