The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
12 comments:
Hi OneEar,
It appears that no one’s signing up to help you fulfill your mandatory 5,000 hours of public service. Perhaps you should offer some incentive to attract volunteers. I still have vats of my “special beverage” that you can have, if you think it’d help. After the unknowing marks have chugged a few cupfuls, they might even begin to enjoy their (your) work.
In regards to the First Unichurck’s policy that homosexuals have already suffered enough and shouldn’t be subjected to marriage, don’t you believe that this decision would best be decided by those who are affected by the edict and not Rusty?
Dearest Miss Litzi;
I hereby annoint you as my Number One Fan. I trust that you will treat this distinction with the respect that it deserves.
Regarding the gays, I really don't think we should allow them to vote.
Hi OneEar,
I am truly honored to be anointed your Numero Uno Fan! Your faith and trust in me inspires only awe and gratitude in you and The First Unichurck. Thank you for this great honor.
Excuse me, your Rustiness, but I don’t think your Unichurck should be prejudiced against gays. This could turn into a vicious cycle; before long, you’ll be proclaiming women and all turd world countries not be allowed to vote, which might lead to a revolution and be the spark that ignites The Rupture. Please reconsider your position on gays voting before its too late.
Dearest Miss Litzi - I will take under advisement your recommendation to be gay. I'll have to discuss it with my wife and kids.
Rusty, on the other hand, is pretty homophobic. You wouldn't expect it out of an omnipotent being, but there it is.
Hi OneEar,
Perhaps you should keep your gayness (aka your “feminine side”) to yourself and not burden your wife and kids with the knowledge. His Rustiness might want to take a lesson from some of the politicos in Washington and learn to speak out of the side of his mouth when it comes to gays. He could welcome them into The First Unichurck and accept their donations greedily but keep his homophobic thoughts to himself. It’d be nice if The Rupture could be postponed until after The Holidays are over.
Dearest Miss Litzi;
After careful consideration, I must respectfully decline your offer to be gay. It just seems easier to remain heterosexual, especially since I like to have sex with women.
You might be able to convince LBok.
The problem, OneEar, is that those same women you like to have sex with are not always big fans of having sex with you.
You really are a romantic.
I see that you've been speaking with my wife again.
I also note for the record that you didn't reject Miss Litzi's proposal outright. Interesting. I've always thought that you have unusually sharp fashion sense.
it wasn't Miss Litzi's proposal, furball, it was yours
Hi OneEar,
Considering you have a wife and children, your decision to remain a heterosexual is wise. There’s no need to upset the family by appearing at the Thanksgiving banquet in drag.
Hi Loud But Off Key,
Are you still undecided about which way to swing? Here are a couple of things to ponder; do you look better in a suit and tie or a skirt and blouse? When you see Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, which one appeals to you more?
Oh, I haven't ruled out appearing in drag.
ML, not that I am inclined to take advantage of the possibilities, but a grown-up free-lover such those from your generation must realize that by swinging both ways, you automatically double the odds of getting laid on any given night, and increase the pool from which to choose by 100%. I'm no mathematician, keep in mind.
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