What is wrong with these kids these days? I was out doing some FU recruiting last night, and when I was explaining how we worship a one-eared, lazy, and slightly incompetent sheep with an apocalyptic vision of tomorrow, these kids looked at me like I was crazy?!?
Likewise, many of our youth-targeted sales initiatives have been disappointments. Despite our focus on urine and feces (two things that every youth needs), we have been unsuccessful in tapping into the critical "disposable income/no discretion" demographic.
Coco made the first effort with the catchy tune "Her Wookie's A Leaker" which I cleverly adapted to "Her Nookie's a Leaker." (Speaking of leakers, what happened to Thursday, Coco?)
Next, we launched the attractive "Monkey Thoroughing Poo" series of apparel. This was much less successful than anticipated.
What do these kids want?
The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
3 comments:
Hi OneEar,
No offense, but I don’t think you’re offering these kids the right incentives to join the First Unichurck. Why not try giving away free cell phones, ipods, mp3 players and all the other electronic gadgets that the youth of today absolutely MUST have to be accepted by their peers. If this doesn’t work, try free beer and dope.
Dearest Miss Litzi;
You have piqued my interest with your reference to "free beer and dope." I will see what Rusty thinks about creating heaven on earth.
Hi OneEar,
Well, it can’t hurt to try it. The worst that’ll happen is that The First Unification Church of Knowledge will get a lot of new members who’d otherwise be hanging out on street corners panhandling.
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