Tuesday, November 06, 2007

If by "foil" we mean Yin v. Yan, perhaps this is more appropriate


"Anti-OneEar"
Motion to the floor, Haebeus Corpus, Legal Mumbojumbo, etc. All voices shall be heard and duly ignored.

A Motion to the Floor: Nomination for Official Foil of Unichurck


Please submit additional nominations as appropriate, and let the hanging chads swing by their respective nooses.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Pacific Tectonic Plate on the Move Again!!

Last Tuesday, the Pacific Plate took up the baton in it's eons-old race against the North American plate. This caused homes in the San Francisco area to rattle. As a recent immigrant to the San Andreas fault, I have put some water aside and done some thinking about earthquakes and why I could do without them. I feel, therefore, basically as prepared as the local veterans. And the Legionnaires.
My biggest fear in all of this is that "the Big One" is going to occur at the precise moment that I am conducting my own morning ritual of making my "Big One".

I will not be able to grab water, drink it as fast as I can until it is gone, get under a doorframe and do all the interpretive dance moves recommended by FEMA if my colon is, how shall we say, "in motion". That is a relatively unstoppable, uninterruptable event, even if the earth moves below me. Now, were I the offspring of Alceste, the opportunity to streak across my apartment, half-naked with feces smeared all over my little body would probably carry a certain amount of defiant appeal. I have no such luck, unfortunately.

Maybe that Satan-exposer can help me with some sort of advice like his explanation of witches symbolized riding broomsticks so it would look like they had weiners and the crops would grow. That guy seems to be full of knowledge. But how in the hex did he get a "dot org" website with all that goobledy-gook? Any other takers?