Thursday, March 16, 2006

"Let he whose sins have been absolved throw stones at everyone else."

Dear Followers;

For the last several periods of time, along with our music and ministry endeavors, Rusty has called upon us to pioneer a religious business endeavor to support and fund our ministry efforts. By Rusty's grace, this has grown into a fairly substantial enterprise, Rusty Enterprises Corporation Limited Inc., a very very limited liability company (RUE on the Newark Stock Exchange).

Our business plan is Jeremiah 33:1-11 - reveal things we do not know, restore the wealth of the land to us, and cause the nations of the earth to tremble. Unfortunately, conventional lending institutions do not accept this business plan. I hope they enjoy the eternal hellfires of damnation.

Despite the hurdles placed before us by non-believers, banks, and other materialists, RUE has grown supernaturally. As Rusty's prophets have been prophesying in many prophesies, Nothing's gonna turn us back now, straight ahead and on the track now. We're gonna make our dreams come true, doin' it our way!"

RUE is, indeed, doin' it our way, and our way is Rusty's way. RUE's success is part of Rusty's grand plan for the universe, and we therefore ask that you pray for our success - pray in the form of giving us your money.

As Rusty revealed to his disciples in the Clown Squad's award winning musical, Salmon Boy, "Don't sell sex, sell religion!" Rusty revealed the corollary is this commandment, "Thou shalt buy religion and all of its accoutrements including the Rusty thong, the Baaaa if you love Rusty bib and other Rustywhear."

Granted, Rusty is less concise and more crass than some other deities, but that does not denigrate the truth of his wisdom whatsoever.

Rusty shall guide us out of the wilderness of original sin to the all-inclusive resort of righteousness. We solemnly bow our heads together and pray - pray that Rusty will grant you the wisdom and the courage to recognize how important it is for you to buy each and every RUE product for each and every person that you know. RUE shall succeed because it must succeed. I would not recommend trying to argue against that logic or you will find yourself in the scalded company of a certain group of bankers.

2 comments:

cocoa_no_gogo said...

Warning! Bait and switch! I went to order bib and they are out of stock. I had to order something ...so I went with Collector Sticker. What are you trying to pull?

OneEar said...

The head of merchandising will be, and probably is, stoned.