Saturday, November 25, 2006
After having recently solved the space-time hoop question put to her by OneEar, Ms. Pineapple has been selected for higher orders of business by Earth's closest galactic neighbors who have been frustrated until now at the lack of substrate they have been observing in WalMart. It was the Cheerleader Advisor's lack of response to OneEar's inane proposition that first showed up on the observer's radar screen. Expecting a smart-alecky remark from someone with her particular background and social restraints, the Neighbors were intrigued by the silent contemplation. Following this, much to the Neighbor's delight, Pineapple posted a simple mathematical explanation as to why repetitive singularities are impossible within the same material subset (i.e., "our" universe). She also posted the axiom that singularities occur, repeat and are in constant flux, but not within the same dimensional realities. That also, incidentally, explains the single lost sock after the dryer has completed its cycle.
Following Pineapple's posting, the Neighbors deftly manipulated the space-time continuum such that the posting was erased three seconds before it was uploaded, took her out for dinner and drinks, then brought her back to their place where they made mad, passionate love. She earned it, for God's sake. They then eliminated all traces of her on the Internet, along with all of her clothes, and suspended her naked, in a post-orgasmic slumber, over the family farm of that good-looking kid in high-school who said "no" to her invitation to the Sadie Hawkins Dance.