Saturday, November 25, 2006

Pineapple Abducted!


After having recently solved the space-time hoop question put to her by OneEar, Ms. Pineapple has been selected for higher orders of business by Earth's closest galactic neighbors who have been frustrated until now at the lack of substrate they have been observing in WalMart. It was the Cheerleader Advisor's lack of response to OneEar's inane proposition that first showed up on the observer's radar screen. Expecting a smart-alecky remark from someone with her particular background and social restraints, the Neighbors were intrigued by the silent contemplation. Following this, much to the Neighbor's delight, Pineapple posted a simple mathematical explanation as to why repetitive singularities are impossible within the same material subset (i.e., "our" universe). She also posted the axiom that singularities occur, repeat and are in constant flux, but not within the same dimensional realities. That also, incidentally, explains the single lost sock after the dryer has completed its cycle.
Following Pineapple's posting, the Neighbors deftly manipulated the space-time continuum such that the posting was erased three seconds before it was uploaded, took her out for dinner and drinks, then brought her back to their place where they made mad, passionate love. She earned it, for God's sake. They then eliminated all traces of her on the Internet, along with all of her clothes, and suspended her naked, in a post-orgasmic slumber, over the family farm of that good-looking kid in high-school who said "no" to her invitation to the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

6 comments:

Miss Litzi said...

Hi OneEar,
The abduction of Ms. Pineapple calls for Rusty and The First Unification Church of Knowledge (a.k.a. First Unichuck) to organize a search party; she must be found! Have you notified Loud But Off Key of her disappearance? With his keen olfactory neurosensory cells, he should be able to locate Ms. Pineapple rather quickly. Rusty should call out “the clown squad” immediately…

Loud but off key said...

How did you know I can smell so good? That's creepy.

Miss Litzi said...

Hi Loud But Off Key,
I could tell you it’s my physic powers but in truth, you just look at man who’s got extra sensitive nasal cavities. Have you begun looking for Ms. Pineapple? She might have fled to a warmer climate….

OneEar said...

I found a clue

Miss Litzi said...

Hi OneEar,
OMG! How’d you find the “Climax Fruit Bomb Coco Pineapple Lube”? Do you think Ms. Pineapple has been hiding out at the “undercover condoms.com” Factory? Why that little vixen! This “personal lubricant” would make terrific stocking stuffers! I may do all my Holiday gift buying from this innovative web site; I wonder if I can find something appropriate for my 85-year old maiden aunt? Thanks for the link…

OneEar said...

Nothing says Munitions Day like a quart of personal edible lubricant.

As far as how I found it, I've been doing some research for a new recruitment drive - details to follow.