Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Chicago to Phoenix: Wookie Central

As I try and try to wash off the smell, and wait patiently for the river of mud a-la the Chocolate Thunder Review to stop flowing from my body, I keep remembering my flight away from Rusty 2006. The inflight movie was "King Kong", which I found to be not quite as bad as everyone had told me. The four-inch screen 16 feet in front of me may have buffered the experience. The perpetual shaking of alcohol withdrawal and my own smell made it difficult to sleep, so I chose to give "Kong" a try. How bad could it be?

Though you may be expecting a review of the movie, all I could think of as I watched was our own OneEar, crippled and gimpy this year, vomiting at the slightest provocation. As I watched Kong fight off three nippy T-Rexes, Rexi, Rexae?, I imagined our Wookie trying to give directions on his way to his car. When Kong was getting splashed with chloroform, I saw OneEar administering his own anesthetic and then, after only just a little bit, turning into a furry vomit fountain on a sidewalk in a bad neighborhood.

Kong's captivity on the stage on Broadway was an eerie parallel to this year's subdued Wookie, and his swatting at the planes on top of the Empire State Building really did remind me of the poor Wookie fending off continuously annoying questions from Clowns flying at him with

"How's your stomach, Wookie?"
"How's your back, Wookie?"
"Take some medicine, Wookie?"
"Why're you walking so funny, Wookie?"
"I wonder why you can't carry your own equipment this year, Wookie. UGH!! Ok, now I get it"
"Sure are barfing a lot, Wookie."

Poor Kong. Poor Wookie. Our hero is fallen; or at least temporarily damaged.

Go back to the doctor, OneEar. You're not better yet. No one will compare you to Ben Aflac running to the Emergency Room for a headache yesterday and then leaking the life-and-death drama to the media.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Even hobbits can perform reconstruction

There. I hope you are all happy. Rusty did work for a while as a nude model

Friday, May 19, 2006

Links working. Sorry.

A Reflective Moment
As the Fervor of Rusty winds up, I think we should all take a moment to acknowlege both Chewy's AND Bigfoot's birthday today. Now, as you are all aware, the actor who played Bigfoot on the Six Million Dollar Man, later went on to become the WWF legend Andre the Giant, and even later, went on to die of heart problems most giants typically have. While it is probably, therefore, a little late to acknowlege Bigfoot's birthday, we can certainly still congratulate Peter Mayhew with a happy birthday and also acknowlege that he is a full 5 inches taller than Andre the Giant/Bigfoot is/was. Having said this, even I am now taller than Andre the Giant. I can't wait for Rusty.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Rusty Never Sleeps - Official Site of the First UniChurcK

Rusty Never Sleeps - Official Site of the First UniChurcK
OneEar, I think your congregational members are with your battered Wookie head in spirit, and, unfortunately for you, in person shortly. But you have long known that we were coming. To quote a wise sausage-maker, who would attack a Wookie? Who among you, in the Blogosphere? (I am secretly hoping your attackers will inadvertently tip their hands in a response comment. That way, if the soapy-grave trick doesn't work, we can use the internet to snatch them up! Sorry for the snatch reference; I promised I wouldn't do that...)
Just so this post is not a total wash, I refer the gentle reader to my little brother's Blog, which details a major victory for bloggers everywhere. http://www.mainewebreport.com/
We are all hoping for a speedy recovery of OneEar's headache.