Our God, Rusty, has called on me to run for public office. I told him I need some time to think about it, but I really have already made up my mind that I'm not going to do it.
Sure, it would be great to fill appointments with advocates of my own brand of religious zealotry. But I'm just not prepared to open myself to public criticism again.
Plus, who wants to be Sewerage District Commissioner for the second district. I don't even live in the second district, and we have a septic system at my house. It just strikes stinks of hypocrisy.
So, back to my problem. How can I let God down gently without damning myself to eternal hellfire?
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7 comments:
Did you mean "stinks of hypocrisy" instead of "strikes of hypocrisy" with the septic references? I'm just trying to keep things straight here.
Hi OneEar,
“How can I let God down gently without damning myself to eternal hellfire?” Here are a few suggestions for you; vote a straight Republican Party ballot on Tuesday. Or tell God that you were one of Representative Mark Foley’s former pages, and willing went along with the lawmaker’s shenanigans. Or, say you were the male prostitute that gave the Reverend Ted Haggard the methamphetamines and a massage (although the “good man” is claiming he threw the drugs away and didn’t engage in homosexual relations). Any one of these excuses would be reason enough to be banned from running for public office. On second thought, you’d be wise moving to another State.
Getting back to your question, OneEar, I have found that flowers have a very nice effect in situations such as this. But they better be good. This is God we're talking about here, and I suspect He can tell if you go into a florist and just pick up the first thing you see: put a little time and consideration into your choice and try matching your outfit or being sensitive to the season. Browns and oranges go nice this time of year. The color scheme you see in my photo is a sure winner.
Hi Loud But Off Key,
You’re suggesting that OneEar try and buy his way out of running for public office by purchasing flowers? I think God gets his share of floral arrangements every Sunday morning, thanks to the generosity and hard work of the Altar-Guild ladies. I thought you were out trying to contact as many social diseases as possible; why are you hanging around fretting about whether God’s going to damn OneEar for eternity or not?
ML-I don't want to contact any social diseases, I want to contract them. We've discussed this before. I merely worry about the boy/Wookie/sheep, that's all.
Hi Loud But Off Key,
Oops! Contracting makes more sense than contacting. However, have you stopped to consider how you’re going to go about this? Any discerning individual isn’t going to want to “contract” a social disease.
I think “the boy/Wookie/sheep” is quite capable of taking care of him self. Sometimes I wonder if it’s me or one of you that’s confused around here!
OneEar,
I'll "pray" for you.
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