The recent cold snap here in the Midwest is causing me to rethink my decision to place the poles of redemption outdoors. Several of the FU Dancers are now stuck in compromising positions, and their complaints are becoming quite shrill.
I had read, in several of the leading treatises on the subject, that first time strippers should avoid the pole. However, I didn't realize that there was any danger of the shall we say "moist tissues" becoming affixed to the frozen pole. My bad.
I recall a similar scene in the movie The Christmas Story. So, this got me to thinking. Perhaps we should leave them out there through the holiday season. It will be kind of a Munitions Day manger scene type thing.
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6 comments:
Hi OneEar,
That’s a wise decision on your part to not have the “Pole of Redemption” in your First Unification Church of Knowledge rituals. You don’t need a frozen bimbo in the Churck vestry…..
The vibrating pews still sound like a worthy concept. If all the parishioners start twitching around as their seats throb and pulse at your command, the entire Churck will be a virtual sweatbox in no time! Think of the “halleluiahs!” that’ll be emanating from their mouths throughout your benediction! And, of course, the money that’ll be pouring into the churck coffers.
Nice graphic depiction, OneEar. Did you consult with a gynecologist before drawing any definitive conclusions about the frozen pole?
Crisis averted! It seems that the heat from their own urine was sufficient to free the FU Dancers from the Munitions Day vertical creche.
I may have a hard time getting any more dancers.
Hi OneEar,
Perhaps you could entice some Sorority women on Holiday break to come dance the Pole of Redemption for the Churck. Or you locate some homeless waifs who want to get out of the cold and wet and could use a good meal. Another suggestion is to advertise for bored and desperate housewives who’d relish a few kinky thrills in their mundane existence.
I think you and Loud But Off Key need to reevaluate where to find pole dancers, if that’s indeed what you want to entertain the parishioners. They’re out there; it’s just a matter of hooking up with the right ones…..
ML-I am always trying to hook up with the right ones. I am rarely successful. The housewives proposition seems to be the most likely to succeed just based on sheer numbers.
We all knew it would come to this eventually.
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