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Clown Squad Fails to Kill the Dead
The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
12 comments:
Hi OneEar,
Well, this is certainly a new tactic for The First Unification Church of Knowledge; putting the fear of zombies into everyone, and publicly stating the First Unichurck, a.k.a. The Clown Squad, is unable to protect its flock. Could you please enlighten me as to why you decided to publish this “zombie alert”? The Churck needs to work on increasing its membership by boasting of its many accomplishments and not flagrantly admitting its flaws to the world at large.
Your “zombie” prophesies chart is very clever, albeit not particularly reassuring. Has the Churck gone into the prognostication of the living dead? This portend is very unsettling…..
She's got a point, OneEar. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with your leadership anymore. Does the term "HMS Bounty" mean anything to you?
Hi Loud But Off Key,
Thank you for backing me up about OneEar’s portend of “zombie” insurgence. It was only a few days ago he was complaining bitterly about having only six members of The First Unification Church of Knowledge. By allowing this disturbing intelligence to leak out to the general public, he may be committing religious suicide of the First Unichurck. This kind of information would’ve been better kept under lock and key.
Perhaps OneEar is under a great deal of stress now that the Holiday Season is upon us and isn’t thinking as clearly as is his wont. Maybe you should have a word with him about trying to maintain his usual state of worthiness and honor in regards to Churck discipline.
Hi OneEar,
These zombies aren’t get any easier on the eyeballs. I thought they’d start to “grow” on me, but the only thing that’s developing is mold/fungus from these markedly strange appearing people.
I think that real zombie girl is kind of hot. I've never really had a "thing" for zombies but I haven't really thought that much about it either. OneEar, do you know where I could contact her?
In the interest of full disclosure, I have thought about lesbian vampires quite a bit.
You meant bisexual, right, CoCoa? Because I'll have to confess to that one, too. Strictly lesbian vampiresses interest me substantially less.
Additionally, Cocoa, I agree with you about that one zombie chick. It seems to me that she is really hot, but someone, for some reason, has intentionally tried to make her look unappealling. An overprotective boyfriend or husband, perhaps?
Hi Loud But Off Key,
Okay, if you and Cocoa think Ms. Zombie’s hot, that’s certainly your prerogative. I wonder if she’s been hanging out with O.J. in Florida, which would explain the black eyes and rather haunted, vacant stare she’s got…sort of reminiscent of Nicole Brown before he killed her.
Are you intrigued with Ms. Zombie because she might be a bisexual or because she’s a zombie or is it the combination that’s a turn on? She looks like she could stand to wash her hair….but that’s probably not what high on your list of priorities.
Are the three of you freezing out there in the Mid-West?
ML,
I agree with you about the hair. She should probably wash the grave dirt out of it.
I'm not sure what it is about her. I find her stare beguiling. Maybe it's just the idea that she has no strings attached to her. She is undead after all.
OE and I are in the Midwest and since both of us are quite hardy, we are doing well. LBOK and you are neighbors, and it's possible he is lurking outside your home as we speak.
Hi Cocoa,
Grave dirt no doubt has an “eau de mold” aroma that wouldn’t be appealing. Maybe I mistook Ms. Zombie’s “come hither and slither” look as being “haunted or vacant”. Does she bring out the “knight in shining armor” in you; asking for protection from all the evil that she’s been through?
If Loud But Off Key is lurking around outside, I sincerely hope he’s not blinded by the Christmas lights all over the house. Is he a peeping Tom, by any chance? I’m glad you and OneEar haven’t frozen your Ronald McDonald chicken McNuggets off due to the freezing weather; you’re getting a “Winter Wonderland” at the tail end of Autumn.
Guys, I was mistaken about the zombies. It is really a nice group of folks once you get to know it.
Let's get together and I'll tell you more about it. It is very exciting.
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