The Ballad of the Two-Steppin Surgeon at the Fais Do Do

I was with those Clowns in Louisiana
When I accompanied them down to Acadiana
In search of my very own Evangeline
Well we stopped in on a Fais Do Do
With a bucket of Coors we were ready to go
I diagnosed the bartender with an Accessory Spleen

Well the band was playing that cajun grind
And all the people they were stomping fine
And I ignored the maladies in their abdomens
I sure wasn't lookin to cause a Gran Disturbance
Cuz there were four little cuties within shoutin distance
And I felt just like a dog inside a cage aux chiens

There was one I thought was particularly cute
And asking her friend for the best method of pursuit
I discovered that Fate had given us a matching name
Well she was Erika and I Erik
And knowing I had to think real quick
I offered her a bit of ice for her sweaty mane

It didn't take long before I was smitten
She told me she was a Dental Assistan
And I offered to show her my Peritoneal Cavity
She asked me to dance the Cajun Crawfish
Of course I didn't want to seem standoffish
So I accepted with alacrity

We headed out onto the floor
Where there were maybe a hundred people or more
All watching me swing and sway
She said you take two steps to the left and two to the right
And then you squeeze me real tight
And How much money dya say you made anyway?

I said Darlin scuze my ignorance
But what's the name of this here dance
She said the two-step --- and I said Oh
Despite my gaffe her gaze stayed strong
That's when I knew I could do no wrong
Cuz I was the two-stepping surgeon at the Fais Do Do

(CHORUS)
I am the two-stepping surgeon at the Fais Do Do
Gator's in the bread pan pickin out dough
Goodbye Laparo So long Endo
Cuz I'm the two steppin surgeon at the Fais Do Do
Do Do Do Do

Well the rest of those Clowns they were havin some fun
Telling everyone from whence they had come
And slappin their buckets with vehemence
But my cajun Magnolia is all I saw
And as we exchanged internet protocol
The tone of her voice became more intense

She said I'll be your honey if you be my chèr
And we'll go tell ma and pa
To ready the band for the charivari
I didn't have a clue what she was sayin
But sure as hell well I was prayin
That at some point sex would be involved

Well before very long the band was through
I said tell me little bit bout what you do
She started telling me about all the different dental tools there are
She said there's the carver and the scraper and other neet stuff
But it wasn't long before I had enough
So I asked "Darlin, can I accompany you out to your car?"

We walked hand in hand through the parking lot
And then we made our own little polyglot
In-between the rusted automobiles
Well we shared a name so we shared some spit
My pocket flashlight well it was lit
And I was fallin fast head over heels

Well as soon as our hands began a reachin
I heard them crazy Clowns a screachin
Telling me that it was time to go
She gave me a squeeze and one last pet
And ran off to tell her friends that she just met
The two-steppin surgeon at the Fais Do Do

(CHORUS)
I am the two-stepping surgeon at the Fais Do Do
Gator's in the bread pan pickin out dough
Goodbye Laparo So long Endo
Cuz I'm the two steppin surgeon at the Fais Do Do
Do Do Do Do

Back in the car those Clowns were dicks
One of them even only rated her a six
But he didn't have her tongue lickin the roof of his mouth
I thought that maybe I'd blow off France
With their unprocessed food and Capris pants
Cuz well I kinda like the girls down here in the South

Well you may say she was nothin but a female gator
A gold seekin wench a manipulator
And believe you me I've read my Marx
But you can bet ol Karl he was never bitten
By a dental assistant bayou kitten
Cuz their teeth are strong and sharp like a Dusky Shark's

In Acadiana you'll see a rusted ol' sheep
Discarded atop a rubbish heap
Like some bloodied napkin all soiled with menstrual flow
Pray for God your soul to keep
And tell your children not to go to sleep
Cuz they'll miss the two steppin surgeon at the Fais Do Do

(CHORUS)
I am the two-stepping surgeon at the Fais Do Do
Gator's in the bread pan pickin out dough
Goodbye Laparo So long Endo
Cuz I'm the two steppin surgeon at the Fais Do Do
Do Do Do Do

Do Do Do Do
Do Do Do Do
Do Do Do Do