Tuesday, September 26, 2006

RE: Information

I received the following email:

Any vacuum cleaner can non-chalantly make love to a chain saw around an eggplant, but it takes a real mastadon to teach a temporal roller coaster. A bowling ball inside the tape recorder hesitates, and a smelly apartment building feels nagging remorse; however, the feverishly cosmopolitan avocado pit brainwashes the fashionable bowling ball. A blithe spirit over the blithe spirit is hairy.

Furthermore, the plaintiff living with a demon earns frequent flier miles, and a tripod of the defendant inexorably brainwashes the bowling ball over an oil filter. If the senator gives a pink slip to a Eurasian fundraiser, then a rattlesnake from a carpet tack hesitates. An unstable nation

Most people believe that a grain of sand defined by the power drill laughs and drinks all night with a nearest freight train, but they need to remember how accurately another spartan reactor procrastinates. If a parking lot carelessly requires assistance from the feline bottle of beer, then a defendant around a minivan daydreams. A jersey cow about a corporation is resplendent. Any parking lot can secretly admire a photon inside the fundraiser, but it takes a real class action suit to derive perverse satisfaction from the annoying paper napkin. When a microscope leaves, a power drill rejoices. A parking lot borrows money from a tuba player defined by some dust bunny. A gratifying food stamp hibernates, and a line dancer procrastinates; however, the paper napkin single-handledly figures out a hole puncher. A bowling ball beyond a cough syrup figures out the globule. Indeed, the steam engine has a change of heart about a mating ritual.

For example, an accidentally flatulent class action suit indicates that a mating ritual inexorably buys an expensive gift for a pathetic senator. A turkey prays, and an infected line dancer sweeps the floor; however, the mortician writes a love letter to some seldom purple tabloid. When a skyscraper inside a skyscraper trembles, a greasy plaintiff earns frequent flier miles. Now and then, a ball bearing secretly befriends a knowingly alleged insurance agent. The wheelbarrow living with a fairy, a paper napkin related to the cowboy, and another smelly freight train are what made America great! Some tuba player

This is some of the finest writing that it has been my pleasure to read in quite some time. Notwithstanding the quality of the prose, can someone please explain how money is made by sending me this informative correspondence?

8 comments:

Doc Bok said...

That's easy. Have you heard the term "Financially Lucrative Narcicism"?

cocoa_no_gogo said...

You think you have problems?

My wife made pot roast for dinner last night. During yesterday day, I could map out in my mind exactly what was going to happen when I arrived home.
I would look at the pot roast and ask my wife if she did not think the liquid portion should be thickened up a little. She would say, "I don't know, what do you think?" I would say, "Sure," at which point I would mix some corn starch and cold water together and then add it to the pot roast.

Sure enough when I arrived home last night it played out exactly as I predicted. One of these days my life is going to get really crazy and I am going to arrive home to find that my pot roast has been pre-thickened. Then shortly thereafter I'll complain silently to myself that the thickenining was not executed properly.

OneEar said...

Yes, a real pickle of a dilly.

OneEar said...

Another tune we need to learn is Little Wookie. Please note that it is also known as "I Love Little Pussie."

Doc Bok said...

While there is no meaningful difference between "cunnilingus" and "muffdiving", there is a discrete difference between "whisky" and "whiskey".

Attila the Mom said...

if you find out, let me know!

I got a couple of similar emails recently myself. LOL

My mystery word verification word is Hohito. What is that, a snack food made out of hookers?

OneEar said...

Mom, I think "Ho-Ho" is the food you're thinking of. "Hohito" is a little male Hispanic Ho, and I don't think they should be employed unless/until they are fully documented.

All of this talk about muff-diving and snack food made out of hookers is making me question the effectiveness of email spam (not to mention that its making me hungry. Wait, Coco's pot roast, corn starch, now it all makes sense. This is a brilliant form of marketing to make us hungry).

Doc Bok said...

Mom, do you know which 7-11 sells Hohito's? I am pretty sure I would like them.