You've got your upside and then you've got your downside. There's the rub.
The First Unichruck is trying to re-originate the Western black rhino (Codename Rut-Ro). As noted previously, in order to originate this sub-species of rhino, somebody needs to get f^cked by an Eastern black rhino. The problem arises because all of the suggested recipients of a good rhino-f^cking are people whose characteristics one would not want to reproduce in the rhino population.
Case in point - Ronald Dumsfeld. Granted, he could use a good rhino-f^cking. He'd probably enjoy it. "Give it to me, you big, horny liberator," he'd probably say. But, do we really want a species of rhinos that are as short-sighted, unsympathetic and fanatical as Dumsfeld?
Others have suggested that Paris Hilton might accomodate a good rhino-f^cking. Probably true, but there are two problems: 1) you can't impregnate via the mouth and 2) the rhino offspring would be unbearable. I'd probably shoot one myself just to keep it off of the airwaves.
We must find someone who could accomodate a good rhino-f^cking but who would not harm the disposition of the rhino species. Who?
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24 comments:
Are you sure about #1?
Do you mean the # 1 or being #1?
In either case the answer is .... yes.
I am skeptical about the number pi.
Leave pi alone. It doesn't warrant your drunken skeptical eye.
That's it. You're really askin' for it now.
On reconsideration, you're right. Dumsfeld is just the Blitzpfosten, and he probably wouldn't survive a good rhinof^cking. It would be unfair to ask him to make such a sacrifice.
How would you feel about "taking one for the team?"
Hi OneEar,
How about Michael Jackson? That is, if he can be dragged out of the Middle East. I think he’d f^^k just about anything that moves, providing it’s under 12 years old.
I'll take one for the team if i get to try and impregnate Paris Hilton through the mouth. It's worth a shot (no pun intended), and should keep her quiet for about 3 minutes.
Hi Loud But Off Key,
Ms. Hilton will no doubt be busy trying to talk her way out of her DUI and won’t have time for you to “take a shot” as you so eloquently phrased it....perhaps you could take a stab (pun intended) at Pamela Anderson, if contacting hepatitis isn’t a concern.
ML--did you mean "contacting" or "contracting" hepatitis? I could probably call up hepatitis and just tell her I am not interested, couldn't I? That sort of contact isn't harmful, is it?
Hi Loud But Off Key,
Oops! Yes, I meant “contracting” hepatitis. The last I heard, you can’t catch it over the telephone. I heard Howard Stern say he’d rather sleep with Janet Reno than Pam Anderson Rock, now that she’s infested…..
ML, I didn't take you for a Howard Stern fan. Is Janet Reno supposed to be good in the sac? It's always the ones you least expect.
Hi Loud But Off Key,
I use to listen to Howard sporadically before he moved to Sirius; am still undecided whether to invest in satellite radio at the present time. If the gossip is correct, you’ve got the wrong equipment to interest Ms. Reno between the sheets. But who knows; maybe beneath that dull exterior, she’s a real firecracker ready to explode…...with either sex.
Open-minded people are the best firecrackers to explode with/on/in, no?
Hi Loud But Off Key,
Yes they are, but how many of us can honestly say we’re truly open-minded? Do you think Ms. Reno is receptive to alternative ideas or arguments? She’s always impressed me as being a rather rigid individual without a great deal of imagination. You began your post by stating that “somebody needs to get f^ucked by an Eastern black wino-oops! rhino”. Somehow, I can’t envision Janet Reno as volunteering for the job....
That wasn't me. That was OneEar. I never listen to him--he only has one ear, for God's sake.
Hi Loud But Off Key,
Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend your finer senses. Do you think OneEar has impaired judgment due to his physical deformity? The next time you speak with him, please feel him out (I didn’t say UP) about Janet Reno being a likely candidate to copulate with a black Eastern rhino. What if the beast runs away from her?
A couple of potential problems: what if the rhino runs away from her? And, is she likely to harm the disposition of the entire species? I can’t imagine having relations with Ms. Reno and coming away unscathed, can you??
Hey guys, I'm right here reading! What you're writing! About me!
Now, as far as Janet Jackson getting f^cked by a rhino, I guess I'm going to have to vote "yes." I would be willing to watch on pay-per-view (in order to save the species).
Hi OneEar,
Goodness! You’re either becoming paranoid or delusional; your choice! Perhaps there’ll be a Pay-Per-View of Janet Jackson (where’d she come from??) getting it on with a black rhino during half time at this year’s Super Bowl. It’d certainly be more entertaining than the “peep show” she did awhile back….
I'll say. Amen to that. Ms. Jackson, if you're reading (and I KNOW you are), please take this as a subtle hint about what your fans would like to see as your next big "move".
Hi Loud But Off Key,
If Ms. Jackson doesn’t care to participate in this sort of frolicking behavior in front of millions of sports fans, perhaps she could contact Michael and see if he’d like to make some “moves” with a black rhino. It might be a nice alternative from young boys for him….
There’s got to be someone who’d be willing to help propagate the rhinos. Do you think anyone in Washington D.C. would be interested?
I'm not sure any of them would be interested, but I'm sure most of them deserve a little rhino propagation, non-consensual, that is.
Hi Loud but off key,
Touché! The Eastern black rhino could start his rut with the “big boys” and work his way down to the lower echelons of Government. Do you think it’d make C-SPAN? For a pleasant change, the ones with all the “influence” would be getting screwed, instead of the country-at-large.
My whole world is turning upside-down; first I learn Miss Litzi is a Howard Stern fan, and then, discover that C-SPAN is set to give live, continuing coverage of the "interspecies erotica" sure to happen once Janet Jackson reads this post. The sky is falling! The sky is falling!
Hi Loud But Off Key,
Maybe the sky is falling, chicken-little! But it just goes to prove that you can’t take things a face value. If C-SPAN is going to have live coverage of Janet Jackson having coitus with a Eastern black rhino, maybe all of our elected officials will attend; that’d be unusual to see them at work.
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