Friday, September 22, 2006

Cocoa Reappears


From Sunday to Thursday I was in Miami acting as the "official drunk" at the annual computer conference that my job sends me to.

As I catch up on the Unichurk postings, I am struck by the uncanny relevance these postings have to the way the last four days played out.

First, there is OneEar's posting about how drinking makes you wealthier because it allows you to acquire more contacts and build social capital. My actions proved that nothing could be truer. The first morning, as I stumbled in to the first conference session, possibly in the clothes I slept in, and bleeding from wounds of unknown origin, I knew just what the other attendees were thinking. "Here comes a guy with whom I really want to do business!" ……and "What is it that I can do to make this guy wealthier?"

Then, there is Miss Litzi's theory that one advantage to being alone is that "...you can behave outrageously without fear of condemnation from your peers." My answer to this is that if you are in a large group and your peers are uttering condemnations (as in "Mr. Cocoa, please come down from there you are frightening the other attendees") but the condemnations are unable to be comprehended by the condemned, then do those condemnations really exist?

Finally there is the pleasant reappearance of Snotty, not only on these pages but in my life as well. Let me just say that the best two ways to impress an attractive 25-year-old female colleague during dinner are:
1) Regale her in an almost never-ending babbling stream of consciousness about how you still pine for the unrequited loves of your elementary school days, and
2) Just after dessert, place your white linen napkin over your hand and engage in an extended performance of puppetry not only for her delight but for all of the wait staff as well – Good ol' Snotty!

I'm not sure for how much longer I can get away with this.

9 comments:

OneEar said...

I hate when they make it "official."

Alceste said...

Is that all you got? some puppetry? Call housekeeping at the Madison Concourse Hotel and ask them what two real drunks do to a hotel room. Amateur. You have work to do.

OneEar said...

Hey Alceste. Did any of that ever show up on your credit card?

OneEar said...

Also, Coco,

In your photo, you are playing my guitar. I am afraid that someone might confuse us.

Do you have any photos of me in a sheep mask playing your bass?

Miss Litzi said...

Hi cocoa no gogo
I’m still holding firm on my belief that being alone has its advantages. Unless you were born under a turnip truck, there are certain social amenities that one follows in the presence of fellow human beings. I.e., you don’t scratch certain areas of your body or exhibit flatus. If your peers are uttering condemnations and you’re unable to comprehend them, this could mean you need a hearing aid (huh?) or you’ve become a social pariah and no amount of chastising will alter your behavior. The person who doesn’t give a rat’s arse about his behavior in public usually finds himself the life of the party.

cocoa_no_gogo said...

ML,

My mother always used to ask me if I was born under a turnip truck. As you could imagine this caused me quite a bit of confusion. If she didn't know where I was born then where was she when all that was happening?
I believe there is a direct link between this and me now being a social pariah.

Miss Litzi said...

Hi cocoa no gogo,
Yes, I can see that not knowing whether or not you were hatched under a turnip truck would be a cause of consternation. You might consider yourself a social pariah, but I’ll bet you’re a big hit with rabbits; “eau de turnipe”. You’ll have to work on tuning a deaf ear (huh?) towards people telling you how to behave in any given social situation. Do your own thing! Rules of conduct be screwed!

Miss Litzi said...

Hi OneEar,
It sounds like cocoa no gogo is still confused about his identity, or lack there of. Perhaps when the DVD becomes a major hit, that’ll help him gain a sense of self, providing it isn’t lost, along with cocoa’s self esteem.

OneEar said...

Coco, How do you like being a social pariah? I've been considering a career change.


ML, your enthusiasm for the upcoming DVD is well, founded. However, as to screwing rules of conduct, I'm going to have to work on that. Coco, perhaps you could start it, and then I'll take it from there.