Tuesday, September 12, 2006

War! Infitada! Declared on Churck



In a surprizing and as yet incomprehensible strategic move, fitness-celebrity John Basedow has declared that he is tired of repeating that he is, therefore, only interested in cosmetically significant fitness results.
Anyone can get in "good" cardiovascular shape and extend his functional
life-expectancy by 10 to 20 years, but hey, who's going to hang around for that
long to see results when you're trying to pick up barely-legal boys at
rest-stops? It's the pec-implants,
frosted-a-la-1970's-hairdo-that-my-mom-sported-with-much-greater-class-and-success,
purple wife-beaters and the triangle symbol that takes you places. And,
BTW, FITNESS MADE SIMPLE is declaring
"I-Dee-Claire-WAR-W-A-R" on the First Unichurck. I've had it with that
maimed sheep and all his ramblings. He's only got one ear, for Gosh's
sake. We're going to show him what a few thousand sit-ups per day
because I don't have a real job that would otherwise take up my waking
hours
can do. I and my army of
purple prancing Peter Pans will look one more time in the mirror--just for a
sec--and then teach him some lessons in the fine art of socially crippling but
financially lucrative narcisism--he REALLY could use a lesson in saturation
advertising. We're on every station on cable!! Heeheeheeeheeee!
Thilly Theep. I will frost his curly locks before the week is out.
It will be the mother of all frostings. And maybe a Brazilian wax, while
we're at it.

8 comments:

OneEar said...

"financially lucrative narcisism" eh? I do like the sounds of that.

Why did you include a photo of some two-bit dictator?

Sven said...

I thought it was a picture of that crazy guy from the movie Johnny Dangerously, "DIS IS FARGIN' WARRR!!"

Miss Litzi said...

Hi One Ear,
I’m confused. Yesterday you stated in no uncertain terms that you weren’t a sheep, and today you’re claiming to be a maimed sheep with only one ear. Is this nebulous frame of mind you seem to be experiencing the result of the sky falling? Perhaps it’s the “chicken little syndrome”….

Loud but off key said...

OneEar. That was to get your attention. Also, it matched "infitada" better than the John Basedow picture I initially contemplated.

OneEar said...

Sven, you don't have to be crazy to enjoy war. You just have to be removed.

Litzi - Sorry about your confusion. Although I do often write in the third person, the statements to which you have referred were written by Dr. Bok who was speaking in the voice of either some exer-flamer or some two bit dictator. In either case, I am not a sheep. With regards to the sky, I don't think it is falling, per se. I believe it may be crying.

Bok- Your new infatuation with this Basedow character is worrisome. However, I remain interested in cashing in on my narcisism. Please post details and expected cash flows.

Miss Litzi said...

Hi One Ear,
Not to worry; I exist in a total state of confusion. Have I been introduced to Dr. Bok? Perhaps he’s the sheep that I got you mixed up with. You’ve heard the hypothesis that rain is the angels in heaven urinating, right? I don’t think the sky is falling either; more likely it’s a conspiracy theory to divert our attention from the things that really matter….the war in the Middle East, high gas prices, housing costs, starvation; homelessness, etc.

OneEar said...

You know him, Dr. Louden G Butovki - He's not a sheep either. I think he's a Polack, but the "G" stands for Goat-boy.

That may have been his brother urinating from the clouds.

Miss Litzi said...

Hi One Ear,
Oh, THAT Dr. Louden G. Butovki; the satyr, who’s fond of Dionysian revelry. How is the old lecher? If that is indeed his brother urinating from the clouds, it gives new meaning to the term “acid rain”.