Mission FINALLY Accomplished--thanks to Sesame Street

In a much anticipated move, Sesame Street's Bert, of the famed duo "Ernie and Bert", revealed the accomplishment of an ongoing covert mission to assassinate Osama Bin Laden. Or is it 'Usama'? Bert, who has always been considered the more responsible, stern, serious-minded and perhaps downright mean of the two--the SuperEgo to Ernie's Id, if you will--held a press conference yesterday in Paris, France where he revealed the nature, duration and an overview of this mission accomplished.

When it became clear that the Administration wanted to capture and/or
assassinate Mr. Bin Laden, the Executive Producers of Sesame Street were
unable to ignore the similarities between the current Head of administration and
a certain orange-faced, silly laughing colleague of mine. They approached
me to play on my experiences with Ernie and take control of the situation.
Now, unlike on Sesame Street, where Ernie's shenanigans ultimately bring him out
on top at the end of the scenario and my being humiliated for being such a
tight-ass as a representation of the inherent value of youthful, innocent and
playful attitudes triumphing over the oppressive, regulated, adult world
a-la-the counter-culture movement of the Sixties, in this case, my cold-blooded
strict tendencies managed to win out as I jabbed my syringe full of Typhoid
innoculum into Mr. Bin Laden's right lung. Eat that, Ernie. Who's
the man now?

When asked how the Sesame Street team were able to locate Bin Laden and then further infiltrate his inner security circle, the pointed-headed assassin responded,

It was diabolically simple. It has been known for some time that
Mr. Bin Laden is a big fan of my colleague, Grover. We simply extended an
offer to meet, have dinner and view previously unreleased episodes of "Super
Grover saves Islamabad". What Mr. Bin Laden didn't realize, obviously, is
that some of the cast of Sesame Street such as myself and colleague Oscar the
Grouch, actually have quite unpleasant dispositions. Hey--I'm no Elmo, if
you know what I mean. That was the Bin Laden team's critical error.
The irony of it all was my ability, even after the Typhoid had been injected, to
get one of Bin Laden's henchmen to snap this picture of me in action.
Poetic is the only word that comes to mind. Thank you for your
attention.