Monday, June 26, 2006

Underminers Society Sewing Its Oaths

Members of the Underminers Society, the secretive burrowing group that now meets at the FU Annex on Saturday evenings, began a Friendship Hankie fundraiser project last week. Throughout history, folk-artistic social groups have sewn individual cloth squares which are later joined to form a large group quilt called a "friendship blanket."

Inspired by this concept, the Underminers launched their Friendship Hankie project. The hankie was originally chosen over the blanket as the medium of expression because it is smaller and much easier to carry in a pocket. However, the cloth hankie was seen as irrelevant in today's disposable society.

For that reason, and because they are more adept at tunneling than at sewing, the Underminers quickly adapted their project to modern technology. Underminers Friendship Hankies are modern, 3-ply white tissue papers upon which very personalized messages have been written in permanent ink.

Many Underminers use their "Snotsheets" as they call them, to describe their innermost thoughts on topics ranging from their own shortcomings to the shortcomings of their parents and even society at large. It is hoped that these will be hot sellers, and the proceeds will be applied toward the purchase of a shovel.

EDITORIAL: We, at the First Unichurck, wish the Underminers the best in this endeavor. We know that some FU members also belong to the Underminers, and, based upon what we know about them so far, we acknowledge your right to belong to both groups. It is not clear to us why the Underminers have their bizarre initiation rite during which they take a hideous blood oath to a pagan deity, but, other than that, they seem pretty innocuous, ableit a bit dusty.


cocoa_no_gogo said...


I read with interest your post about the Underminers hankie campaign because it has brought back a flood of memories about one of my most beloved childhood chums -- Snotty.

I was a troubled child with very few friends, but with Snotty I always had a pal in my pocket. Snotty was there to wipe my tears whenever my parents fought. He was there to wipe the blood from my wrists as I tried to slash them with shards of broken pickle jars. And when Snotty was draped over my fist he became a playful puppet who always had just the right words to make me smile.

At some point in my teens, I used Snotty to clean up a rather messy pile of ejaculation and tossed him in the rubbish bin – but even at his end, it was my happiness that was most important to him.

Thanks Snotty!... and thank you Underminers for your important campaign.

OneEar said...

As Alf once said, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Loud but off key said...

maybe you should have called him "Spoogy"

cocoa_no_gogo said...

"Spoogy" was what my brother called the vaccuumn cleaner. I never understood why until just now.

Loud but off key said...

Anytime. glad to help.