Q: What is the timeframe, Mr. Dumsfeld?
A: Civil war, what civil war? Who said anything about a civil war? War is not "civil," and there is no war - there is an unending struggle of the righteous against the wrongteous. Now, pay attention: when Mickey's yellow hand is on the 6, I will need for you to give me another $91B US.
Carefully analyze the above exchange. What is the lesson? Ronald Dumsfeld is concealing something? His watch is broken? No. The lesson is that we need to figure out how to get some of that honey.
According to Pentagon audits, Halliburton and its subsidiaries’ Iraq reconstruction work has, thus far, shown $1.5 billion in "questioned" or “unsupported” charges.
Rusty Enterprises, a faith-based initiative, proposes to contract with the US Government for only $1.47 Billion in unsupported questionable charges, thus saving the US taxpayers $10 million.
We hope to enlist the assistance of Joe Allbaugh, former head of FEMA (President Bush’s campaign manager in 2000) who now lobbies for Iraq (and Katrina) reconstruction contracts. Our expectation is that he will see to it that Rusty Enterprises is the successful low bidder for this project. We have allocated $15 million of the missing $20 million to his exploratory committee.
We will need to put in some long hours to dream up $1.47 Billion in unsupported questionable charges, but I am confident that the team at Rusty Enterprises is up to the task.
10 comments:
How about $1M to redo Dumsfeld's hair?
No, I said "unsupported."
As a former life-long accountant for thirty years, I am a master of number obfuscation in my two all-time favorites, "consulting" and "miscellanae". It is the reason why I am so darn good with Bishop Busty's books, not to mention a fairly decent alliterist.
I also believe that, after the contract is awarded, I can be of inestimable aid in not doing the work so stated in said contract. Within a timeframe, of course.
Comptroller Foxxx,
Great idea. We'll start by allocating the entire budget to "Miscellaneous."
I'll need your help on cost-overruns and extras. I'll work on adequately delaying performance.
I'm sending out an RFP to subcontractors to build a water pipeline from the rapidly melting Greenland glaciers to a tap in my backyard.
Of course the pipes will have to be insulated so that I can get a nice cold sip of glacier water whenever I want.
This will help me to think more clearly about the redeconstruction of Iraq.
"Extras" are billed as "change orders". The gov't is notorious for not determining who (or what) authorized the CO. In the business, we call this "smoke and mirrors", or "Phantoms of the Opera" for the musically inclined. It works 100% of the time. Just ask our beloved Veep.
Do not forget that your RFP must be accompanied by an RFD, a COD, and a Section 503(c). In sextuplet. And within a timeframe, of course.
Comp. Busty
Good idea. We'll allocate $386.2Million to action-intention judgement policy infrastructure coordination.
Now, we're down to $1.0383Billion.
I was thinking the same thing.
I've got a really crazy idea. How about a $941Million bridge to nowhere?
Now we only have $97.3M to go.
I assume Comptroller Busty can shave that off in rounding errors.
I err.
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