I am the descendant of slaves. So are you. Of course, as a relatively young nation, the US only had 300-400 years of slavery.
In the United States, the second largest slave state was NY. For this reason, there was a civil war. That and secession.
As enlightened folks, we now despise slavery. Except for children. They can't drink or vote, but they can fight in wars and be tried as adults whenever they shoot people at school.
The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
14 comments:
Hi OneEar,
Being a woman, I feel like a slave. “We’ve come along way, baby” but not far enough, in my never so humble opinion. I doubt this was where you wanted this blog to go, but it was something that I felt needed to be aired.
Yes, but women are slaves because that is their rightful place in the order of things.
Litzi,
OneEar beat me to the punch. You women just bring these conflictions upon yourselves. If you would just accept the natural order of things then all of us would be alot happier.
Shifting gears:
I discovered today that the rest of my workplace is as bored as I am. Someone had brought in some pumpkin bread pudding and had sent an email alerting my department to this fact. I replied to this email with an inquiry about whether pumpkin was a fruit or a vegetable because, of course, I do not eat cooked fruits. The subsequent email responses were overwhelming. Don't these people have anything better to do than look up pumpkin on Wikipedia? I suppose we are all slaves to something.
I have witnessed you eating tomato sauce (cooked tomatos).
And please do not rely upon the "Supreme" Court's wrongly decided Nix v. Hedden.
Hi OneEar
Women are “slaves” because too many of us have accepted the role of being inferior for too long. Brainwashing starts at an early age and is difficult to undo. Men and women are programmed from an early age into certain roles; if this cycle isn’t broken or changed, the status quo will never be altered.
Cocoa no gogo,
One of the major problems is that women want “equal” rights in a lot of areas, but aren’t willing or able to accept them across the board. Its fine to strive to become a CEO of a company, an auto mechanic, or any position that’s been basically been dominated by men in the past. BUT they’ve got to realize if they obtain this kind of equal standing in the job market, they’re going to have to forego some of the “perks” of being treated like a delicate houseplant.
ML - If, in fact, you are a slave, then just be the best darned slave that you can be.
I am interested in further details about your early childhood brainwashing program. This sounds like just the kind of thing that I need to institute with my own feedlings.
Coco - did you note the evidentiary basis for the Court's decision in the Hedden case?
"Beyond the common knowledge which we have on this subject, very little evidence is necessary, or can be produced."
I often find myself urging adoption of this standard of proof.
Hi OneEar,
Perhaps socialization is a more appropriate term than brainwashing. It’s indoctrinating girls to behave passively and boys to be aggressive. This is a gross oversimplification or stereotype, but you get the idea. Your feedlings probably wouldn’t be good subjects for this kind of misinformation.
I struggle to be the best “slave” possible as I go about my daily travails in Mexifornia. Who knows; perhaps someday I’ll be granted freedom.
Miss Litzi,
I will not pretend to know what it's like to be a woman (although occasionally I do try on my wife's underwear.) But you should know that it is also no picnic being a Straight, White, American, Male, with No Social Disorders, who comes from a relatively higher socio-economic background. (SWAMNSD∂ for short) [1]
For starters, it is almost impossible to secure the necessary donations to keep our initiatives afloat. Just last year, the National Association for the Advancement of Straight, White, American, Males, with No Social Disorders, who come from a relatively higher socio-economic background had to cut its programs by 18% because apparently people are more interested in helping victims of 9/11, the Palestinians, and finding a cure for Tourettes. And if I hear about Katrina one more time, I'm going to puke.
Also, we suffer from an inability to bitch about things. We can't even use the word "bitch" because it has been monopolized by women. (We tried to introduce the word "mitch," as in man bitch, but it turned out that Mitch was gay so we had to scrap that.) As a result, sometimes when walking on the street, I will pretend to have a limp so that the passersby will treat me to sorrowful looks. At dinner parties, I find it necessary to claim to have some kind of malady just to fit in and to experience the moment when the others adjourn to kitchen in order to share whispers about me. "I had no idea Cocoa was struggling so hard with the inability to eat cooked fruit. We mustn't serve the Pumpkin Pie! If only I had made Sweet Potato instead."
Moreover, there continue to be no healthy outlets for the discussion of the SWAMNSD∂ situation. There is no SWAMNSD∂ studies program at the local university, my newspaper never contains a SWAMNSD∂ section (or even a five-part expose') and the tavern down the street has never deemed Thursdays, Straight White American Males with No Social Disorder's night.
My point, Litzi, is that like a drunk in a midnight choir, we must try in our own way to be free.
Footnote
[1] The upside down "e" at the end of SWAMNSD∂ is meant to be a schwa e. Technically it should be a rhotic schwa as the inclusion of non-rhotic speakers into SWAMNSD∂ is still being debated. Blogger HTML was not allowing for the display of either the rhotic or the non-rhotic schwa (neither of which should be confused with the erotic schwa) and so I reluctantly used the symbol for a partial differential ∂. Those familiar with partial differentials will immediately see the irony in this.
Also, it should be noted that SWAMNSD∂ was using the schwa several years prior to Bill Barker... but no worries, Bill, we heartily endorse your work.
Did anybody really read this post all the way to the end?
Good point, Coco.
We
1- Don't qualify for free cheese.
2- Often have to wait 20-30 minutes between ass-powderings.
3 - Can't get electrician to hook up big screen TV in bathtub,
4- Don't know how to ride public transit,
5- Wouldn't have slightest idea what to do with so many pairs of shoes,
6- Don't have any neat squiggles to paint on the sides of buildings,
7 - Can't land gansta rap contract,
8 - Don't cry,
9 - Are forced to watch hour after hour of meaningless sporting events,
10 - Spend countless hours on Al Gore's internet.
The shackle really is on the other ankle.
Hi OneEar,
Yes, I really did read your entire post; it was exceedingly funny and gave me a lot to ponder. I don’t imagine you know what it’s like to be a woman any more than I know what it’d be like to be a man. An aside: are there pictures of you donning your wife’s undergarments? Ooh, la la! I imagine being a male today is difficult, at best. You’ve got to watch what you say and do around women, lest you’re accused of sexual harassment. With women vacillating all over the place with what they want and expect from men, it’s got to be difficult to know how to act from one moment to the next. You’re expected to be sensitive to their “needs” but strong and “take charge” when the situation calls for it, and you’ve got to be a mind reader to know what’s appropriate for each situation.
I think the Women’s Movement did a great deal of damage to men and consequently to the women who tried to push their reforms down everyone’s throat. Men are afraid to behave like “men”, i.e., be the major breadwinners in the home, an authority figure for the kids and accept responsibility for the overall welfare of the family unit. If they come on too strong, they’re “controlling”; if they’re passive, they’re “woosie”. They’re constantly walking a tightrope without a safety net, and it’s got to be scary as hell.
We’re all slaves to something or someone in our lives. It’s a matter of deciding how much you want to give and receive in the “master-slave” relationship (no, I’m not talking about a sadomasochistic encounter with a dominatrix) that’s important.
ML - Good point about the sado-masochism.
I fear you have confused us again. I have never worn his wife's underwear (as far as you know).
Hi OneEar,
Sorry, but it’s difficult keeping you and cocoa no gogo separate at times. I should hope you haven’t been wearing his wife’s undergarments; if you had, you might find yourself living on a desert island sooner than anticipated.
That's ok. I was afraid this might happen because Coco is playing my guitar in his photo. Just remember, I am the handsome one.
Back to the other thing, as long as women continue to buy People magazine and to base their lives on the consumption habits of Nicole Richie and Oprah, nobody can possibly take you seriously. You really do need a master.
Hi OneEar,
I’m totally confused when it comes to you and cocoa no gogo, but that’s beside the point. I’m easily rattled.
I agree with you; when women want to be taken seriously, they’ve got to stop behaving like airheads. They can’t have it both ways. I’m my own worse “task master”; I don’t need anyone else telling me how, when and what to do. But I think a lot of women are at lose ends without a man around to act like “the boss”.
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