The Sick Scents - Not Quite Right

Something is not quite right.

You didn't include a scene where time stops, the universe implodes into a singularity, and everyone gets judged. Please repair this omission. (I realize it will pose some technical challenges, but let Rusty deal with that).






For a historical retrospective, see:

http://oneear.blogspot.com/2005/11/movie-script.html
http://oneear.blogspot.com/2005/11/sick-scents-rewrite.html

Love Thine Neighbor - A Note to My Neighbors

Many are searching the internet for prayers appropriate for armageddon. I offer this old Scottish blessing, modified slightly, for your consideration:

May those who love me love me,
And may the Lord rain His blessings upon them.
And those who do not love me,
May the Good Lord smite those motherfuckers
And burn their blistered asses in the eternal fires of Hell.

Amen

Hottest Year Ever!

Scientists have "proven" with their science what televangelists already knew - Hell on Earth is approaching - and fast. 2005 was the "hottest year ever" according to a note passed by Harriet Myers during study hall.

Hamas won a surprise majority in the Palestinian elections. Israel's safety is off, and it is half-cocked.

My neighbor's damned dog won't stop yipping.

One can hardly ignore the signs any longer. The Rupture is now, officially, impending.

You had better buy The Book now before it is too late! (Just to be safe, buy two copies).

Book Tops Amazon 1,268,022 Seller's List

Many bibliophiles log on in the early hours of dawn to find out which book is Amazon's 1,268,022 best seller. This morning, the surprise winner of the honor went to What Color is My Pair of Shoes? Vol I Career Advice for a New Millenium from an Award Winning Award Winner!

Squeaking ahead of such formidable contenders as FATS (Food Facts) and Contrast-Enhanced Ultrasound in Clinical Practice : Liver, Prostate, Pancreas, Kidney and Lymph Nodes (Paperback), Shoes built upon its growing cult following among foot fungus fetishists to creep into the coveted 1,268,022 position.

Reviews have been glowing. One reviewer, obviously starved for more, commented only "too short." Another commentationerist could barely contain his excitement when writing, "What Color is My Pair of Shoes? Vol I is one of those very few books." Well, said.


To order your copy, see link below:
ORDER What Color is My Pair of Shoes Vol I from Amazon.com

Nearly Perfect, Book Reviewer Implies

What Color Is My Pair of Shoes? Vol 1 Career Advice for a New Millenium from an Award Winning Award Winner is being hailed by critics and people alike:

The book has been described as "that funny-looking bone," and writing which "literally oozes pathos and bathos—especially the latter, since I dropped the book by mistake in my dirty bathos water." http://charliecallahan.blogspot.com/2006/01/what-color-is-my-pair-of-shoes-vol-i.html

Based upon these sentiments, copies of What Color Is My Pair of Shoes? Vol 1 Career Advice for a New Millenium from an Award Winning Award Winner are selling like virtual online mail-order hotcakes!

In order to capitalize on this sales success, we will be seeking to postpone the Rupture while we cash in. If anyone has any particular influence with the Allmighty, or knows someone who does, please pass along a name so that our request can be considered in a timely fashion.

To order your copy, see link below:
ORDER What Color is My Pair of Shoes Vol I from Amazon.com

Rupture Rebate Policy

We regret to inform you that there will be NO GAME FARM REBATES on account of the impending Rupture. Due to circumstances beyond our control, and in accordance with our corporate policy, we are unable to process any requests for rebates based upon the perceived or actual end of the planet. Please accept our sincere apologies, and don't hesitate to contact us for future reservations (only if there is no discontinuation of time, etc.)

Ear Found at Harvard Bridge - Still No Sign of Camera

The Rupture is Upon Us!!!!!!!

Rusty is coming.

Smell Ya Later

I'm quitting the band. Last night I went to the jam, you know, the one across the street. As usual, I ended up playing the bass because, as usual, I was the worst guitar player in the room.

Nonetheless, I have a good time when I go, and they always give me free beer which is one of my favorite brands. They have a "table tapper" which holds 110 oz and includes a frozen dildo-looking thing that keeps it cold. But, I digress.

I'm quitting the band. Last night, there was a female singer who showed up, and I am going to make her a *Star*. Her name was something, she is in her 20s, and she has an exotic accent. When I asked her from where she is, she said several words which led me to conclude that she is probably from Poland or East Germany. After concluding that it really doesn't matter, I elected not to pursue the subject.

Forget about her nationality, you've got to hear her chops. When she got up on stage, she asked the guys if they could play several songs. I think I understood the words she was saying, but none of them sounded like songs of which I had heard. Eventually, consensus arrived at "Highway to Hell." I probably haven't listed to AC/DC since 10th grade, but I have to say that the song does rock. And the eastern girl TORE IT UP! She proceeded to sing 3 or 4 songs that nobody knew, but somehow she carried it. It sounded - -- good.

This is when the lightbulb shattered in my brain. Epiphany. A band should have a singer.

Rusty Sessions 2006

Rusty Sessions 2006
There is a lot of work to do in time for the Rusty Sessions of 2006.

To regurgitate, we are going to be celebrating Mike the Headless Chicken Festival but not on the right date. The Sessions will be held at Coco's house sometime in June (or Memorial Day weekend if Ono gets his shit together). I will arrange for a film crew.

Schedule:

Friday:

8am-6pm - Arrival, registration, ice-breaker.
6pm-7pm - Dinner, furniture-breaker.
7pm-11pm- Perform 1/3 of each and every song we know.
11pm-11:45pm- try to explain noise and odor to neighbors.
Midnight -1:30am- try to explain noise and odor to police.

Saturday:
1:30am-4am - Pile into vehicle for some unknown reason and head for bar. Get lost, stop at different bar, make asses of selves, get escorted out, stop for pancakes or burritos.
4am-9am - sleep.
9am-Noon - Finalize Bylaws over breakfast and bloodies.
Noon-12:10 - call wives, discuss how much we miss them/how bad we are for leaving them with the kids who are sick (LBok, you can skip this step).
12:15-2:33 - Spades (LBok, you can find something to do.)
2:34-5:17 - Lose track of time.
5:18- 5:26 - Further discussions with neighbors and police. Explain theory that the Big Bang is an urban legend.
5:27-8:15 - Live performance of Salmon Boy (20 minute intermission).
8:16-8:19 - Final reassurances of future quiet to police.
8:20-1:13 - pile into vehicle to avoid further bothering neighbors, head for that bar again. Bring along 1 guitar to thoroughly piss off everyone who is trying to listen to the juke-box.
1:14 - It starts to get pretty blurry here.

Sunday

10:17am - LBok unveils his clone of OneEar
10:18am - All stand in awe.
10:19-12:44- Live performance of "The Sick Scents.
12:45 - Go home


We need to schedule some time for worship and some time for spontaneity

First Reconciliation Church of the New Unification of OneEar's Good and Gloriful Holy Occity Disciples

The schism in the church has been resolved. It has been revealed that God really did create "day" before creating "the sun," but it was a dark day. So, we were both right. Only WE were a little more right.

Buzz Bessette Fan Club - A Lounge Lizard's Lizard

Buzz Bessette was born in El Paso, Texas. His father, an organist and trombone player in the Continental Army Band, and his mother, an organist and drummer, imbued him with the love of music early on.

Buzz began his professional music career after high school when he performed with such acts as George and the Diminished 5th, Dawn of Atlantis show band and the 50's rockers, The Stingrays. Diversifying his style, he performed with the East Coast Express Jazz Band in the legendary Orion's Roof Club in Virginia Beach. Later he began studying classical piano with Ila Bovee.

He was held in captivity as a "lounge lizard" for over 16 years. Call Guinness! He performed over 4500 shows at one venue! Buzz began performing for the Showcase in the 2004 summer show, "wowing" us with his phenomenal keyboard and vocal skills.

http://www.outerbanksmusicshowcase.com/cast.htm



http://www.crowdband.net/BuzzBio.html

1 Man Band/ Keyboardist Buzz Bessette
Physical Address:1000 Colington Road Kill Devil Hills, NC 27948
Mailing Address:PO Box 6 Kill Devil Hills, NC 27948

Do NOT Join The New Unification Church of OneEar's Good and Holy Disciples of God

"The one true church" is The New Unification Church of Oneear's Gloriful Occity of God's Oneness (NUCO-GOGO) Do NOT be fooled into joining the New Unification Church of Oneear's Good and Holy Disciples of God (NUCO-GAHDOG). They are a bunch of phonies and heathens!

The one true church, NUCO-GOGO, holds to the core truths and does not get sidetracked in superstition and personal vendetta. Witness: There is one eternal God, a bearded carpenter, who had 3 distinct simultaneous identities: A father, a son and a ghost.

Witness: it was said that the son's mother never had sex with his dad leaving the only remaining possibility that the baby was conceived of God's sperm. And so, we drink his blood and eat his flesh and other essentials that are clarified in the Scriptures.

If the "church" you attend does not hold to these essential beliefs, you are in a cult! There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. No matter what name they use, they are not a church! This is not my opinion; it is a fact clearly explained by the writings of some of the carpenter's friends.

I wouldn't trust The New Unification Church of OneEar's Good and Holy Disciples of God as far as I could throw them. Booo to NUCO-GAHDAG!!!!!!! They are impostors.

Please, save yourself the inconvenience of damnation for all eternity - join the one true church (NUCO-GOGO not NUCO-GAHDAG).