I'm quitting the band. Last night I went to the jam, you know, the one across the street. As usual, I ended up playing the bass because, as usual, I was the worst guitar player in the room.
Nonetheless, I have a good time when I go, and they always give me free beer which is one of my favorite brands. They have a "table tapper" which holds 110 oz and includes a frozen dildo-looking thing that keeps it cold. But, I digress.
I'm quitting the band. Last night, there was a female singer who showed up, and I am going to make her a *Star*. Her name was something, she is in her 20s, and she has an exotic accent. When I asked her from where she is, she said several words which led me to conclude that she is probably from Poland or East Germany. After concluding that it really doesn't matter, I elected not to pursue the subject.
Forget about her nationality, you've got to hear her chops. When she got up on stage, she asked the guys if they could play several songs. I think I understood the words she was saying, but none of them sounded like songs of which I had heard. Eventually, consensus arrived at "Highway to Hell." I probably haven't listed to AC/DC since 10th grade, but I have to say that the song does rock. And the eastern girl TORE IT UP! She proceeded to sing 3 or 4 songs that nobody knew, but somehow she carried it. It sounded - -- good.
This is when the lightbulb shattered in my brain. Epiphany. A band should have a singer.
The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
13 comments:
You should make her audition for the new Grease thing.
mowimy po polsku
Meg, I am not familiar with the new grease thing. Is it a personal lubricant?
Coco, Do you remember that girl from Bulgaria or somewhere that Brigg was trying to hook up with and I insinuated myself into the situation and ended up passing out in his room and he never got laid or forgave me? She reminds me of her only her hair isn't maroon and her teeth aren’t that bad.
Hi OneEar,
What are the chances you could enlist this woman with the golden vocal chords to join the Churck choir? Perhaps a truly exceptional soloist would help bring in new parishioners….
Your revelation substantiates my call-name. Wasn't there another girl from Bulgaria that we followed back to an apartment, perhaps Brigg's or perhaps hers, and I kept waiting for you clowns to ski-daddle so I could have a little "alone time", but you never did and I was getting really frustrated/irritated, and then you did leave and dragged me with you, aching boner in hand? Was that the same night, or one just like it? Being 22 and desperate had it's occasional low points.
ML - I've decided to use reversed psychiatry on the parishioners. I'm going to lie on the couch while they do NOT send in their donations.
Dr. Bok - I defer to Coco on matters of memory such as these. If it was you whose coitus I interruptedus, then obviously I should say, "Sorry." By now, your Bulgarian offspring would be just finishing high school.
"As usual, I was the worst guitar player in the room."
That is why I won't be in a band without my friend Squisher, he's like an insurance policy in that respect. Sadly, he's not much better on bass.
Hi OneEar,
Your reverse psychiatry on the parishioners may not work out too well for the Churck’s coffers. They might wonder if you’ll ill and avoid you or decide to join you in the prone position and fall asleep.
OneEar,
Holy crap. I didn't think of that; perhaps I should be thanking you rather than waiting all this time for your long-overdue apology. That particular event would only be one on a long list, though, with many people as the recipients of said apologies. It would be complete chaos if you started down that road--I would therefore discourage you, if that's really necessary.
However, you did nothing to stop the high-school matriculation of that nameless kid in the Canary Islands except punch me after the fact. Will you split the overdue child-support invoice with me when/if Mom ever gets wind of my being a surgeon?
Because, in those days, I was a clown, exclusively, and didn't have this part-time job. I'm sure she did the math at that point, spoke to her accountant, and decided to save herself some money and minimize her and her family's liability by distancing herself from our organization.
Kind of like how everybody diffuses out of doors when we enter any establishment. Or even when we are out of doors.
Can you make "El no tiene dinero" sound official, with all of your "legal" training and "experience"? Maybe you could put the part-time guy with no benefits on it?
What say you, Cocoa-no-go-go? How badly have the facts in this case been skewed? Or are you drinking at work again?
Sven,You have hit on my head with a nail the reason I belong to this band.
ML, I happen to be a leading advocate of the prone position.
LBok, the unmanageable volume of my debt in apologies is what keeps me out of the 12 step programs. Kind of like that Earl show except that I need to work instead of progressing from one zany but enlightening adventure to the next.
Also, I consider abstinence to be vulgar. Aristotle commanded "Moderation in all things." The logical extension of this rule is moderation of moderation. You have seen how this works in practice.
Yeah, well, I don't know about any of that other stuff, but you do have a point on the abstinence business. P-sha.
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