Sunday, April 27, 2008

Fear Not, Goat-Petters: There is a Problem with Hell

Goat-petters, you may be persuaded to "die in Hell" because of OneEar's persuasive persuasion, but there are a few things that should be considered. Well, perhaps only one.

Be that as it may, as a frequent recipient of said "petting" by "goat" "petters", I would like to dispel any fears any potential "petters" may have, and I would also stand in the way of any sort of campaign of fear, such as that of OneEar's latest intimating that goat petters may "die in Hell".

You see, even if goat petters wanted to "die in Hell", there is a problem. Evidently, logic is unable to locate Hell. How is one supposed to go there to die, if it can't be found? There are goats that need petting, and this can't likely be accomplished if one were to spend all of his time looking around the stacks of logic and reasoning to no avail.

And this raises a larger issue: If no one can find Hell in the wider arena of sensible thinking, what about religion? You just can't have religion with no Hell. Catholics caught on to that right from the beginning. Why do you think they paid Dante so much for his architectural designs? Religion with no Hell is worse than a chick-flick with no obligatory sex-scene: no one will be able to con their boyfriends/husbands into watching. It's simply a non-option to the intellectually honest.

The implications of this shine an unwanted spotlight on institutions such as our own "ChurcK", and one might think that OneEar may have chosen to think before posting, rather than during.

All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... in the middle... of the road.
And he said:

"Play the best song in the world, or I'll eat your soul."


litzi said...

Hi DocBok,
Halleluiah! I can resume petting goats without fear of burning in Hell, which as you astutely pointed out, no one’s been able to locate. There’s still the issue of the lingering odor/stench though…

OneEar isn’t guilty of anything that most of us haven’t done at one time or another; spoken before considering the ramifications of our words.

Doc Bok said...

Litzi, no one said anything about rams.

OneEar said...

Oh, now we're going to see ram-petting? I told you it is a slippery slope.

Safer just to damn them all to Hell. The logistical inconvenience should be resolved by "technology." (When I say "technology," I mean faith-based technology, not that Godless scientific crap that resulted in creating the internets).

litzi said...

Hi OneEar,
Are you referring to “The Internet” that Al Gore invented, along with some of his cockamamie Global Warming notions??

I’m going to go to Hell. Being warm and toasty in my old age will be rather nice, I think.