Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Idle Worship

There has been an ongoing debate amongst the upper eschelon philosophers in the First Unification Church of Knowledge as to how to properly depict the lord, savior, and general good fellow, Rusty. Recent depictions of Rusty in Churck t-shirts, g-strings, and maternity wear have shown Rusty as a simple white sheep. However, it is generally agreed as a matter of historical fact that Rusty was, and is, a black sheep. This same damned thing happened to Jesus Christ. I don't know how to explain it.

Maybe it is simply the case that white is better than black. While researching this hypothesis, I ran across a very informative website called http://exposingsatanism.org/. As you can see for yourself, this outfit provides an essential public service by exposing such Satanists as Hindus, Muslims, Mormons, and people who play Pokemon.

The first thing I noticed about the Exposing Satan site was the small crawling message across the top which slowly advised me "The Antichrist will be revealed soon!!!!" Now they had my attention. One of my favorite timeframes is "soon!!!" "Are you ready?" The crawl inquired of me.

"Yes, yes I am," I shouted at my computer. The crawl wasn't listening. It rambled on about how the "Satanic trash will unite."

"Well, that doesn't sound good." I thought. "We certainly wouldn't want united Satanic trash."

Digging deeper into the meaning of this reference to "Satanic trash," I encountered the following in reference to the "Jewish cabal" (my thoughts are in parentheses)

I want to state for the public record right now, No, I am not a Jew Hater (What would give anyone that silly idea?) ....
So with the above being said, we must look expose these snakes that are bringing this world into the the new age of the anti-christ. (Perhaps the author is a Snake Hater). There are many from all beliefs and races possessed by demon spirits driven by greed and power. The Jews are not exemptfrom the demon possession. Calling a pig a pig is not being anti-pig, it is merely a statement of fact. (Apparently a Pig Hater, too). There are Jews who are using the "Gods chosen people" as a way to cover what they are doing. (What are they doing again?) They are working with other satanic groups such as the Masons, Jesuits, The Vatican, and yes these so called Christian leaders to advance a global agenda. (Oh, they are working with other satanic groups. That sounds like a satanic conspiracy. I hope someone exposes it). It's time to drop all this anti-Jew crap (I think he really means to stop calling him a Jew Hater) and expose the hidden trash that will give rise to the son or perdition. (I'm lost, are the Jews the trash or not? What about the snakes and the pigs? Further, isn't the whole point of the author's "religion" to give rise to the son? He should be encouraging the Jew-snake-pig conspiracy.)

For our next lesson, we will delve into how the Muslims, Taoists, and musicians find themselves included in the "Satanic trash" smorgasbord. Following that, we will create an exhaustive list of all of the non-begotten sons.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Young Punkers pull it off



Brett Favray, seen in this lockeroom picture before the game, led those young punkers to an exciting OT victory last night 19-13 in the miles-high city. Of note, he is 1 year younger than OneEar. Congrats to the Wisconsians; make sure you got your medicare paperwork right, or you're on your way to prison.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Exciting New Product

Are you the kind of person who lives through time? Do you enjoy knowing what year it is? If you answered "yes" to either of the preceding questions, then you are in desperate need of the
Why Don't You Bathe? Wall Calendar. This calendar is virtually guaranteed to contain all 12 months of the entire year!! And, the invaluable life lessons depicted make this an incredible invalue.

Order Here!!!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Califires Perfect for Giant Marshmallow Roast

"What have they done," some have asked about the wicked Californians, "to so anger and thereby incur the wrath of the benevolent Lord, Savior, and general good fellow, Rusty?"


Let's not be so hasty in condemning those heathens. Perhaps there is a greater plan. And perhaps that greater plan involves the Giant Marshmallow.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Year, Well, Spent

Many of you will recall that, for the past year, I have been working tirelessly on the first in a 17 part series of children's books.

The first book is entitled "Why Don't You Bathe?". It is both a teaching aid and a life lesson geared toward children of all ages. Unfortunately, it is difficult to find an illustrator who matches my talent level, so I have been forced to illustrate the book myself. Though I don't consider comic illustration to be one of my strengths, it turns out that I am more skilled than any of the other available applicants for the position. Well, congratulations to me on completing the first panel.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Child of Local Monkey dressed in striped, polyester turtleneck captured and sent to Law School in preparation for running future Blog

Please see Photo Below.

Hey Lance

Google. Please open your anal sphincter and insert a shaken bottle of Coca-Cola (TM).

I Me Mine


Now I get it.

The blog community wants personal, beautifully-crafted intimate stories.

Ok.

I am an incredibly attractive female Asian supermodel (bear with me). Yesterday, my puppy Gisele, who was a shelter rescue, died after a long struggle with sickle-cell anemia. With her last dying breath, she barked out a message in Samuel Morse code asking me to stop domestic violence. I nodded as though I would, but, in reality, I'm not going to do Bo Diddley. What the hell can the Giesele do about it, she is dead.

DISCLAIMER: Much of the preceding is not technically "true" (except for the part about Bo Diddley). I also speak out fervently against all forms of "-ism" including racism, sexism, and drunkism. And, I am in favor of freedom of speech, free music downloads, and sitting. Oh yeah, and I support the troops.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Giant Marshmallow

Please post your favorite story or comment about the Giant Marshmallow.

I will announce the winner at a later time.

Monday, October 08, 2007

I Believe Its Time For You To Die

Time For You to Die

It was a 9-11 weekend in sports. First, the politically incorrect native-American themed team from Champaign beat the noble Wisconsin Badgers. Then, despite my ferocious rooting, the NFL team from Chicago that is owned by a woman allowed the noble Green Bay Packers to hand them the game. What can one say?


The Bears still suck
The Bears still suck
The Bears still suck
The Bears still suck
They really, really, really, really, really, really suck
The Bears
Still
Suck

BYW- I dint rite dat der song.