OneEar Rescues First Unichurck From Hell

"When hell freezes over!!!" was the verdict handed down by the supreme and gracious God, Rusty. Rusty and I were reviewing my Form 10742- Application (Revised) for Reconsideration on Banishment to Gehenna - Short Form. Little did He know, I had read my Dante.

As an aside, you will find when debating Him that He does very little research any more. He has gotten intellectually lazy over the years, and you can sometimes surprise Him with concepts developed during the last 800 years.

"Excuse me, your wholliness," I said with just the right degree of deference to disguise my sarcasm. "As I recall the Inferno, Cocytus, the ninth and lowest circle of Hell is, in fact, a frozen lake." "Unless you are willing to call Dante a fiction writer, Hell has - frozen over."

Another helpful hint when debating an all-powerful being - don't get him angry. Judging by the flames coming out each of Rusty's orifices, I could tell that I was in danger of violating my own advice on this point. I had to think quickly or else yours truly was going to suffer a good old-fashioned smiting.

"Of course," I quickly interjected, "you in all of your wisdom and occity already knew this. You were testing us. Yeah, you were just testing us." He stopped mid-smite.

I continued, "You sure do move in mysterious ways," I said, "and I mean mysterious in a good way, not like you're some kind of a freak." I knew from the almost imperceptible puff of his chest that He was buying it.

I just had to close the deal - get him to ask me for the sale. "Just give us a sign of how we should honor you in order to guarantee our release from eternal damnation," I begged. He sat silently for several years. Then, the following ceremony was revealed by Ms. Pineapple:


Little Johnie Walker
Get in a big circle and say: "Little Johnny Walker walking down the street-didn't know what to do so he stopped in front of me. He said, "hey girl shake your thing, shake your thing, stop! hey girl shake your thing, shake your thing, stop!"

To start you just have one person skipping around the circle and when they get to the "hey girl shake your thing" part they stop infront of whoever they're closest to and both people do this little dance thing, it's hard to explain... but it's kind of like putting your arms in a broken T but diagonal, and just dancing around in place and shakin your stuff :D and then once the chant starts over again the original person keeps skipping and the person they danced with starts skipping to. Or sometimes if you just skipped around you can just take the spot of whoever you danced with. And it just keeps going for as long as you want!