Monday, February 20, 2006

Rustianist Manifesto



Workers of the world unite!


A spectre is haunting the physical world -- the spectre of Rustianism. All the powers of old corporality have entered into a holy alliance to exorcise this spirit: Bush and Coca-Cola, Wal-Mart and Martha Stewart. Why are the powerful so vehemently opposed to unbridled Rustiosity? We must ask ourselves, where is the party? Where is the bean dip?





What shall come to pass?
  • Abolition of primate property. All privates shall be public.
  • Progresso income tax. Anyone earning soup income incurs a hearty, man-sized tax.
  • Repeal of the death tax repeal.
  • Nationalization of the means of reproduction. All sperm emitters employed by the federal government.
  • Destruction of the middling class.
  • Free love (or at least 2 for 1).
This is not one choice of many, and it cannot be denied; It is a historical imperative, a dialectic that cannot be undialecticified, a conclusion that is foregone. This has already happened, although in a future time. Prepare yourselves for a new age!

Details will follow in the forthcoming das Krapital.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have been attending middling class - Bare Adequacy 101A - for several years now but have yet to graduate. I am concerned that it will be destroyed before I get my BS degree in Mediocrity. When will the middling class be destroyed?

OneEar said...

Firstly, you must have some sort of attention deficit, because you have not been paying attention.

For details on the timing of "The Big Event," please subscribe to Advance Warning About RupturE (AWARE). You will receive updates as to the overthrow of Krapitalism and regarding the end of time.

Secondly, the CIA and I are trying to keep track of who is thinking what, but you all are complicating matters by posting anonymously. We are running a serious risk of impure thoughts here.

Don't hide behind a mask. I must know who is whom. You cannot possibly be too lazy to type in your username and password. Now, stop being anonymous.



Go back and read the middle part of this post ADHD freak.

Anonymous said...

is Rusyt a religious leader or a political firebrand????? u make $0.00 = no scents!

Anonymous said...

What do you have against capitalism? The last time I checked, you weren't working for legal aid.

OneEar said...

Oh, now I have you pegged, Private Parts.

We have absolutely nothing against capitalism. In fact, capital is my pal.

Krapitalism, on the other hand, has seen its heyday and will soon be extinct.

Anonymous said...

Holy smokes, a modern-day Bastille Day!

Will I finally have enough coin of the realm to remove the nasty fungus on My Left Toe? Will I be able to choke my chicken without guilt? Will the universal measure of a "shitload" finally be standardized?

And what will become of the asshats in da Crapitol?

So many questions, so little time.

Anonymous said...

Holy smokes all over again, a foundling in biohazard gear!

OneEar said...

We are trying to discourage "holy smokes" lest we all die of holy cancer.