Fall Well, Jerry

Score one for Satan, Winkie-Dinkie, Larry Flynt, and the "First Class Nuts." Our comrade in arms in the battle to usher in the apocalypse is no more. Yes, brother Jerry Falwell is dead.

At 11:45am EST, the vacuum inside Falwell's head finally collapsed unto itself creating a pinhole sized approximation of a black hole (dubbed a pin-head). Due to the immense gravitational pull, neither light nor logic escaped the event, but Falwell's demise was verified by the sudden cessation in the stream of shit flowing out of his mouth. The official cause of death was initially reported as a "bowel obstruction," for which many suspected the aforementioned head. However, Doctors later confirmed that Falwell's death was caused by the lack of a functioning heart.

Jerry, you made the world a better place simply by leaving it, and for that we thank you. May you rest in peace (briefly, until Judgment Day).

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NOTE: For those who may consider it callous, cowardly, or conventionally crappy to dance upon the grave of another regardless of his bigotry or the degree to which he preyed upon the faith of others, you are generally correct. Sorry.