Monday, August 28, 2006

For Shame, Milwaukee, For Shame Wisconsin



Evidently, drinking at least two drinks per month puts Milwaukee at the head of the pack Nationwide for 'drunkest city in the country'. Victory by default is never pretty; what kind of losers were competing in this contest, anyway? Where the Hell was Madison during all of this? Or Verona for that matter? I think the Churck should demand some answers, or at least further research.

27 comments:

OneEar said...

Please note that "binge drinking" is defined as "having five or more drinks on one occasion." I'm not sure I agree with this definition unless "one occasion" is about the same as "one hour."

They are trying to tell us that only 22% of the people have EVER had 5 drinks on any one occasion? If I take a random sampling, say the people who attending my wedding, perhaps only 22% recall having 5 drinks while the other 78% blacked out.

How is your batch of Scotch whiskey coming?

Loud but off key said...

How did you know I was making Scotch whiskey during your wedding? Was it the topless girl from the Airforce who told you?

OneEar said...

Where did LA end up in the list, down in the crack cellar?

Loud but off key said...

LA didn't even make the list. Apparently, my efforts have been ignored. I feel like John Mark Karr.

Miss Litzi said...

Hi OneEar,
Is Milwaukee being ruled by a modern day Carrie Nation? I too wonder why L.A. or anyplace in Mexifornia didn’t take the prize. Is there a large congregation of The Woman’s Christian Temperance Union (WCTU) in Milwaukee?

OneEar said...

LBok - I think that topless girl may be divorced now if you're still interested. I believe she still has her chest.

ML - I'm not sure.

Loud but off key said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Loud but off key said...

I'm a big fan of the chest, but she had a funny wall-eye. I'm going to have to ponder this.

Loud but off key said...

Can you ask her to send me some pictures of her chest, preferably where her face is not visible? You know, kind of like a bird's eye view of what a person such as myself could be expected to see during a natural, casual observation.

Loud but off key said...

Ok, ok, you don't have to leave her face out. I don't want to get ML's undergarments in a wad. Just make sure she's blinking from the flash or something. That eye sort of freaks me out.

OneEar said...

I'm sure she would gouge out her eyes for you, and that might be advisable anyway given that you are, you know, a satyr.

Miss Litzi said...

Hi Loud but off key,
Thanks for your concern, but it takes a lot to get my “undergarments in a wad”, so you need not worry. Actually, I wear a very limited amount of “unmentionables”, so there’s very little to bunch up. Why don’t you crop the picture so you aren’t subjected to viewing the “wall-eye”?

Miss Litzi said...

Loud but off key,
Have you considered wearing mirrored sunglasses? That way, no one knows what you're looking at....

OneEar said...

When I wear mirrored sunglasses, all I can see is my eyeballs. Fortunately, they are fascinating.

Loud but off key said...

ML- How are your unmentionables limited? Though I admittedly like the mirrored sunglasses trick, I prefer to ogle in honesty so no one gets the wrong impression about me.

Loud but off key said...

ML-feel free to send/post a picture if that helps.

Miss Litzi said...

Hi Loud but off key,
My unmentionables are limited in quantity; the fewer, the better. This has nothing to do with being provocative; it merely means less laundry and scratching is more convenient. Perhaps it’s the Mexifornia sunshine or living under the regime of the Governator, but we’re a bit wacky out here in the “land of fruit and nuts”. I’ve always admired a man who doesn’t try to hide the fact that he’s ogling….those mirrored sunglasses make me nervous, because you’ve got no idea what’s being looked at.

OneEar,
I’ve never owned a pair of mirrored sunglasses; do they really allow you to see your own eyeballs? That explains why there are so many automobile accidents in Mexifornia; no one can see the road in front of them. Thanks for clarifying that….

Loud but off key said...

Does going "cowgirl" make one a provocateur (or in this case,'provocateuse')? If so, I may have been guilty of provoking on one or two occasions.

Miss Litzi said...

Hi Loud but off key,
I’ll probably be sorry I asked, but what’s “going cowgirl”?? Is it anything akin to “wookie”? I don’t think I’m guilty of being a “provocateuse”, but I may be and am totally clueless. As you can tell, a Mexifornia education isn’t all inclusive.

Sven said...

We (Mpls/St. Paul) came in second. Alas, always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Perhaps if we started showing up topless...

OneEar said...

ML - It turns out I had my sunglasses on inside out. I don't think LBok's reference to going cowboy is nearly as disturbing as his wookie fetish.

LBok - I note that Ms Litzi's blog has a portrait for your perusal.

Sven - While there is no glory in finishing second, do not feel ashamed about being second drunkest. There is always next year.

Miss Litzi said...

Hi OneEar,
Thanks for the link to “going cowboy”! You were right about it not being as weird as a “wookie”. I took the test and came out at 46%; a sometimes cowboy (girl). The concept of turning underwear inside out (like your sunglasses) to get another days wearing is worth exploring....however, undergarments still impede scratching considerably.

Loud But off Key might get a rise out of the buxom belle, i.e. The Tea Room Proprietress.

Loud but off key said...

Ca c'est pas "The Tea Room Proprietress" avec une nichon qu'est montre pour tout le monde. Ca c'est surement la Maitresse d'une bordel. Votre "blog" est une facade pour une societe du clandestine sex?

OneEar said...

I can't understand this jibber-jabber. Are you trying to surrender?

Miss Litzi said...

Hi Loud but off key,
No, “The Tea Room Proprietress” is not a madam, nor is she running a bordello behind the teas leaves. The cat houses are located in the next State over! If you’re in the market for one, you might try The Mustang Ranch. However, I’m sure Mexifornia has its share, all masquerading as “masseuse parlors”.

Loud but off key said...

Thanks for the tip, ML. How do you know so much about the in's and out's, so to speak, of these establishments?

OneEar said...

conflagurations!

THis is the mostest postest ever!!!