SOS - A Mystery

It was a weekend like so many others, beautiful sunny weather in an idyllic midwestern city. But, during this weekend, something would go terribly wrong.

It began innocently enough when a middle-aged man, we'll call him Alceste, enrolled in some sort of conference. The conference happened to be venued at the home city of your hero and mine, OneEar.

Thursday evening ended without a splash. The following is excerpted verbatim from Alceste's report:

Just spent the evening in the company of the wookie. Here is my report. We went to the college where they have an immense terrace that serves beer. We heard a band warm up for an hour, play one song, then they put all their shit away. The wookie seemed sober. His back was straight, and he wasn't holding his stomach. He did not break anything, and he said "excuse me" when walking past another table. He did not leave any trails of fur. Is this a ruse? Am I being luled into a situation that could turn ugly? Please advise.

Friday, Alceste apparently reported to his conference and your hero and mine, OneEar aka "the wookie", reported for duty to the office. After spending the day tending to their respective professional obligations, the two reconvened Friday afternoon for the occassion of having OneEar drive one of Alceste's colleagues to a Harley Davidson store (read all over tarnation).

After a few pitchers of beer at a beer garden and a couple of beers at Rusty's tavern, OneEar and Alceste parked at Alceste's hotel, ditched the colleague and set out on foot for some drinking proper. The first stop involved, you guessed it, beer, as well as some extremely spicy buffalo wings. (Note: this clue may or may not be relevant later). The duo continued bar-hopping through the evening and into the night until they returned to Alceste's hotel.

Flash forward 8 hours. It is now 10am on Saturday. "Housekeeping!" is knocking at the door. OneEar awakes, checks his watch which reads 6:00am, and wonders aloud, "What the f&ck?" "Occupado," he yells.

Looking down, OneEar notices that he is still fully clothed except for his shoes, but there is what appears to be sh!t all over his feet and bedsheets. "What the f&ck?" He takes a second look around the room. Alceste is beginning to rustle in his bed. Good, he is still alive. The large hotel mirror has been knocked off the wall and the door to the adjacent room is open.

OneEar sits up and notices that Alceste too has what appears to be sh!t all over his feet and bedsheets and there is a large wiped up mess of what appears to be sh!t all over the carpeting at the foot of Alceste's bed.

"Alceste, What the f&ck?"

"I don't know," says Alceste.

"What happened here?" wonders OneEar.

"I don't know," says Alceste.

"Well clean that sh!t up."

Alceste returns from the bathroom with one wet washcloth and throws it on the pile of diarrhea. "We should go," he says.

OneEar goes into the bathroom to wash his feet in the tub. "Where are all of the towels," he asks when he is done.

"I don't know," says Alceste. "We should go."

So, after leaving their last $5 for housekeeping (Not nearly enough), Alceste went down to check out promptly and OneEar proceeded to the parking garage to pull the car around and they left the mystery behind them.

What could have happened?