Renowned blogger OneEar, who persists in writing in the third person, today denied any use of writing-enhancing chemicals.
"I have three extremely large testicles," claimed Ear, "and my writing simply reflects that anatomical reality."
Ear's bodily fluids will be exposed to bleach and a washcloth in order to remove them from the counter-top. Commenting on performance enhancing chemicals, Ear indicated his support for smoking them out. "I do not support mandatory drug testing," indicated Ear. "Recreational drug testing works just fine."
Ear believes this scandal is a distraction from more important issues such as how much money is being spent to kill how many people and at whom Lindsey Lohan is mad.
"This is a sad day for my family and for the sport of writing," read Ear's prepared remarks, "and my only goal is to see how we can all move forward and put this unfortunate episode behind us. Please, for the sake of the children."
3 comments:
If its movin' forward you're interested in I got something that will help you move forward a lot faster. If you know what I mean.
A skateboard?
I think you will find cloven hooves adapt better to prancing in the mountains, if you know what I mean. Like, if you were to, say, nearly hang yourself on a vine falling off a cliff in Grottos, Virginia. Two blocks down from the burning house.
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