Monday, September 15, 2008

Why I Don't Answer Your Calls

1. If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called YOU.
2. I don't have caller ID because then I would be tempted to stop what I am doing to check on who is calling. If I did, and if I saw it was you, I wouldn't answer anyway.
3. You want me to give you my money. If I wanted to give you my money, I would have sent it already.
4. You want me to vote for you. I think you are an idiot, and I don't want to vote for you regardless. Are we really going to resolve this difference of opinion through a telephone conference?
5. Your machine keeps calling me. I let it talk to my machine. Maybe they'll get together and have little machines of their own. Just leave me out of it. If you have something worth saying, leave a message.
6. I spend all day talking on the phone. Why should I waste my evenings and weekends talking to you.
7. I generally get paid to talk to people. If you send me $200, then you can call me and I will talk to you.
8. If you want to argue with me, that costs double. Send me $400 and then call me and I'll explain why. Hint: It is because you are an idiot. Also, I fear that my life force is being sucked out whenever I converse with you.
9. I am not interested in limited time offers. I like my time good and eternal.


Doug Dog said...

Hi OneEar,

Love your ideas about not answering the phone! I plan to adopt several of them myself. Now if some engineer would invent a phone that calls and does NOT receive, I’d be in fat city.

btw, I found out about a company that offers a device that attaches to your phone which you could use to enter up to 150 phone numbers. You could set it to look up every incoming call in your pre-arranged data base and if it wasn’t there, your phone would NOT ring. That would put a screeching halt to all unwanted phone calls! Unfortunately, the device is no longer available through their web site; they say that they will be coming out with a new improved model “very soon”. I’m watching!

OneEar said...

Several times per week, Ms. Ear insists upon turning the telephone ringer back on.

Then, I'm sitting there, minding my own business, and the damn things starts ringing. It is all I can do to turn up the volume on the TV sufficiently loud to drown it out.

Litzi said...

Hi OneEar,
I wonder how stockbrokers and invest bankers feel about panicked customer phone calls after the past three days…

OneEar said...

I was at a conference yesterday where some Morgan Stanley guys from NY told me about having seen executives walking down Wall Street carrying boxes of their stuff.

Lehman Brothers survived the Civil War, 2 World Wars and the Great Depression, but GW Bush was just too much.

Litzi said...

Hi OneEar,
GW Bush will be remembered in the history books, but not in the manner he’d like to be…

What are all those executives going to do for jobs; join the ever lengthening unemployment lines?