Prosecutor kills himself and NBC gets sued.
REPUBLISHED FROM 6/2/06
My plan is to create an elaborate trap designed to catch Stoned Phillips or some other TV investigative journalist by posing as a sexual predatee.
You may have witnessed one of the hundreds of special reports whereby a network talking head teams up with a crack team of young, sexually questionable kids to pretend to be even younger, sexually precocious kids on MySpace. Once the crack team encounters a sick f^ck intent upon preying on a youngster, the crack team lures the sick f^ck to a house filled with hidden cameras. After the sick f^ck enters (and occassionally drops his pants), the talking head emerges and berates the sick f^ck for being a sick f^ck.
Now I agree that this makes for great entertainment. What sort of perverted moron wouldn't want to watch a perverted moron questioning a perverted moron? Plus, pedophiles rank below Nazis and attorneys on the scale of public sentiment, so it is very gratifying to watch them squirm.
I am just afraid that, eventually, the public may tire of these shows. Thinking ahead, after this trend has run its course, (but before the pay-per-view telecasts of public executions), I foresee a time when we will be at a loss for good, quality television. And so, back to my concept.
I will get a child to pose to be a pedophile posing to be a child on MySpace. Once the crack team sets to work, Stoned will lure the "pedophile" back to his photo-lair. When the child drives up in his miniature car, he will park far away so that, without perspective, Stoned won't realize the dimunitive size of his prey.
The child will walk toward the house on stilts smoking a cigarette and complaining about his bunions. He will shake his fist in rage at the sky and mumble something about Part D and "the way things used to be." Then, he will sit down and feed the pigeons (or squirrels).
Once he runs out of pigeon (or squirrel) food, his head will droop forward as he drifts off to nap. Eventually, he will awaken, pull some crumpled papers out of his pocket, read through a few, and then look abruptly toward the house as though he has just remembered the purpose of his visit. Rising again atop his stilts, he will resume his amble toward the house.
Meanwhile, inside, Stoned will have worked himself into a journalistic froth. Like a stallion at the dog track, Stoned will be pacing, snorting and fuming and barely able to bridle his impulse for unrestrained journalism.
Once the child arrives at the door, the child will refuse to open it until the child tells the child what the child will do to the child. Once the child tells the child what the child will do to the child, the child will pull from his trenchcoat a shotgun and shoot the child through the door. Don't worry, the child can't be prosecuted because the child is a minor.
REPUBLISHED FROM 6/2/06
My plan is to create an elaborate trap designed to catch Stoned Phillips or some other TV investigative journalist by posing as a sexual predatee.
You may have witnessed one of the hundreds of special reports whereby a network talking head teams up with a crack team of young, sexually questionable kids to pretend to be even younger, sexually precocious kids on MySpace. Once the crack team encounters a sick f^ck intent upon preying on a youngster, the crack team lures the sick f^ck to a house filled with hidden cameras. After the sick f^ck enters (and occassionally drops his pants), the talking head emerges and berates the sick f^ck for being a sick f^ck.
Now I agree that this makes for great entertainment. What sort of perverted moron wouldn't want to watch a perverted moron questioning a perverted moron? Plus, pedophiles rank below Nazis and attorneys on the scale of public sentiment, so it is very gratifying to watch them squirm.
I am just afraid that, eventually, the public may tire of these shows. Thinking ahead, after this trend has run its course, (but before the pay-per-view telecasts of public executions), I foresee a time when we will be at a loss for good, quality television. And so, back to my concept.
I will get a child to pose to be a pedophile posing to be a child on MySpace. Once the crack team sets to work, Stoned will lure the "pedophile" back to his photo-lair. When the child drives up in his miniature car, he will park far away so that, without perspective, Stoned won't realize the dimunitive size of his prey.
The child will walk toward the house on stilts smoking a cigarette and complaining about his bunions. He will shake his fist in rage at the sky and mumble something about Part D and "the way things used to be." Then, he will sit down and feed the pigeons (or squirrels).
Once he runs out of pigeon (or squirrel) food, his head will droop forward as he drifts off to nap. Eventually, he will awaken, pull some crumpled papers out of his pocket, read through a few, and then look abruptly toward the house as though he has just remembered the purpose of his visit. Rising again atop his stilts, he will resume his amble toward the house.
Meanwhile, inside, Stoned will have worked himself into a journalistic froth. Like a stallion at the dog track, Stoned will be pacing, snorting and fuming and barely able to bridle his impulse for unrestrained journalism.
Once the child arrives at the door, the child will refuse to open it until the child tells the child what the child will do to the child. Once the child tells the child what the child will do to the child, the child will pull from his trenchcoat a shotgun and shoot the child through the door. Don't worry, the child can't be prosecuted because the child is a minor.
4 comments:
good plan. Did you go to the doctor yet, or do you spend all of your spare time coming up with great plans?
I'm taking twice the recommended dosage of everything from the drugstore, just as you prescribed.
I've had remarkably little vaginal itching, and my dentures have never been cleaner.
Truly the greatest blog in America.
you know? I think Im gonna like this blog.
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