Poor Me Another

Say No to the Auto Bailout
by Daniel J. Mitchell

This article appeared on CNN.com on November 13, 2008.

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Getting access to taxpayer money would be akin to giving an alcoholic the key to a liquor cabinet. It also would be bad for American taxpayers and the American economy. For instance:

A bailout will hurt the overall economy by misallocating resources. When politicians grant special favors to a certain industry or a particular union, such decisions necessarily mean that market forces are being replaced by special-interest deal-making. This type of interference with free markets is why nations such as France, Germany and Japan tend to grow more slowly and enjoy less prosperity.

But if America goes down this same path of government intervention, it is inevitable that we will suffer the same fate of stagnation and higher unemployment.

A bailout will encourage other industries to seek taxpayer handouts. The Wall Street bailout was a disaster in many ways, most notably as measured by the weak stock market and economic volatility. But another negative aspect of the bailout is that other industries have now decided that it is OK to stick their snouts in the public trough, as well.

First Wall Street's high fliers get a bailout. Now the inefficient management and union at the Big Three want a handout. Who will be next in line to pillage taxpayers? Giving handouts in exchange for political support is akin to getting high. Once politicians decide they like the buzz of campaign contributions, they'll turn into junkies with ordinary Americans footing the bill.

A bailout is a perverse transfer from poor taxpayers to rich taxpayers. America's Founding Fathers surely never envisaged that the federal government would take money from one group of Americans and give it to another group. Yet much of the federal budget is devoted to redistribution programs.
Bailouts are a particularly bizarre form of redistribution, however, because the corporate bureaucrats at the Big Three are among the very richest Americans. The UAW bosses make extravagant salaries, as well, and even regular union workers make an average of approximately $70 per hour, far higher than the average American.

The government should not be in the business of giving unearned wealth to any group of citizens, but surely liberals and conservatives both can agree that politicians should not be taking money from middle class taxpayers and giving it to upper-middle class and rich taxpayers.
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Does Emerods Mean Hemmorhoids?

1 Samuel 6:3-6 (King James Version);

4Then said they, What shall be the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice, according to the number of the lords of the Philistines: for one plague was on you all, and on your lords.

5Wherefore ye shall make images of your emerods, and images of your mice that mar the land; and ye shall give glory unto the God of Israel: peradventure he will lighten his hand from off you, and from off your gods, and from off your land.

6Wherefore then do ye harden your hearts, as the Egyptians and Pharaoh hardened their hearts? when he had wrought wonderfully among them, did they not let the people go, and they departed?

In Bread And Wine

Genesis 19:31-35 (King James Version)

31And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:

32Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

33And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

34And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

35And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

How Embarrassing

Judges 3:18-25 (English Standard Version);

And when Ehud had finished presenting the tribute, he sent away the people who carried the tribute. But he himself turned back(A) at the idols near Gilgal and said, "I have a secret message for you, O king." And he commanded, "Silence." And all his attendants went out from his presence. And Ehud came to him as he was sitting alone in his cool roof chamber. And Ehud said, "I have a message from God for you." And he arose from his seat. And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out. Then Ehud went out into the porch and closed the doors of the roof chamber behind him and locked them.

When he had gone, the servants came, and when they saw that the doors of the roof chamber were locked, they thought, "Surely he is relieving himself in the closet of the cool chamber." And they waited till they were embarrassed. But when he still did not open the doors of the roof chamber, they took the key and opened them, and there lay their lord dead on the floor.

Drip, Drip, Drip

Proverbs 27:15 (King James Version);

15A continual dropping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

How About a Little Time To Lay It To Heart Before You Start Spreading Dung on Faces

Malachi 2:1-3 (King James Version);

1And now, O ye priests, this commandment is for you.

2If ye will not hear, and if ye will not lay it to heart, to give glory unto my name, saith the LORD of hosts, I will even send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings: yea, I have cursed them already, because ye do not lay it to heart.

3Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.

Sire Me Once, Shame on Me

Proverbs 17:16-24 (English Standard Version);

16Why should a fool have money in his hand to buy wisdom when he has no sense?
17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
18 One who lacks sense gives a pledge and puts up security in the presence of his neighbor.
19 Whoever loves transgression loves strife; he who makes his door high seeks destruction.
20 A man of crooked heart does not discover good, and one with a dishonest tongue falls into calamity.
21 He who sires a fool gets himself sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy.
22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
23The wicked accepts a bribe in secret to pervert the ways of justice.
24 The discerning sets his face toward wisdom, but the eyes of a fool are on the ends of the earth.

Dear CoCoa No GoGoa,

Thanks to your perpetually helpful suggestions, I already knew this.

I misuse the rule frequently to get your goat.

Sorry.

Your Pal,

A Prancing Grammarian

You'd Better Say Nay Or I'll Beat Your Ass

Numbers 22:28-30 (King James Version);

28And the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?

29And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a
sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.

30And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? and he said, Nay.

He Was Hungry You F^cking Tree

Matthew 21 (King James Version);

18Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he hungered.

19And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away.

20And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon is the fig tree withered away!

21Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.

Hello?

Will someone please entertain me?

I Said ONE Hundred Foreskins

1 Samuel 18;

24 When Saul's servants told him what David had said, 25 Saul replied, "Say to avid, 'The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.' " Saul's plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines.

26 When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king's son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, 27 David and his men went out and killed two hundred Philistines. He brought their foreskins and presented the full number to the king so that he might become the king's son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.

I have my answer

Thanks God. Racism is now officially over. Whew. A lotta people are gonna have to come up with a new set of excuses.

Dear Rusty

Dear Rusty,

Thank you for not trying to cut off my genitals with the Bible. Maybe we should not try to cook with the Bible, either. You didn't answer my question.

Therefore, today's question will be even tougher: When I'm done peeing, who do I vote for?

Seems like you've been pretty happy with the Bush 43 Presidency, should I follow your lead?

Please guide us, oh-reader-and-recapitulator-of-the-Bible's-finest-wisdom. Now is your moment to shine, and I'm not talking about putting some urine and dung on a rag and wiping things down; I'm talking REALLY shine.

Well?

Your Pal,

"A Concerned Reader"

Mean Cuisine

2 Kings 18:26-28 (King James Version);

27But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to
thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the
wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?

Dear Rusty

Dear Rusty,

I am peeing in my pants. Who will win the election tomorrow?

Your Pal,

"A Concerned Reader"

(p.s., please give me no advice on genital self- or other- mutilation. I don't want to read anything else on that topic, even if God DID say to do it. According to the Infallible Bible)

Thanks Honey.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12 (New American Standard Bible);

11"If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, 12then you shall cut off her hand; (A)you shall not show pity.

Don't Cry Over Spilled Seed

Genesis 38:8-10 (King James Version);

8And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.

9And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.

10And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.

Those of you with brothers, please advise how you handle this delicate biblical mandate.