May I Interest You In A Safety Razor?

ARE YOU READY TO RUUUUUUUUSTY?!?

Rusty, Rusty
Four-legged fool
you bathe yourself in a pool full of drool
Rusty

Rusty, Rusty
He's our man
If he can't record it,
Nobody can
That's Rusty

Where Have They Gone?

Abu Gogo

Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 11:35:24 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: Dodo's song
Did anyone happen to catch Sunday’s 60 Minutes segment about the hobbit people? As you will recall, last year, a team of Australian archaeologists working on the Indonesian island of Flores uncovered the skeletons of a species of 3 foot tall humanoids who had bow legs, flat feet, nice teeth, and a little tiny brain. The skeletons were uncovered alongside the remains of gigantic rats and miniature elephants. Researchers deduce that the little people used stone tools, fire and cooperative hunting techniques. From the cooperative hunting techniques, it has been inferred that the little people used a rudimentary form of language known as “Loud Off-Key Singing.” The resemblance is starting to get spooky.
On a different matter, I am arranging for a pay-per-view match between that bride-to-be from Georgia who kidnapped herself to New Mexico and the silly UW Madison student who hid in the swamp for a week while pretending to be missing. It will be a timed game of hide and seek with teammates Tonya Harding and the recently rediscovered Jane Fonda, and it will take place in the Atchafalayaya Swamp near that Fais-do-do bar. If you are interested in investing in this project, please let me know.

Subject: RE: Dodo's song
I forgot to mention my original point - Flores islanders indicate that the little people have been around recently, and they call them "Abu Gogo" which translates into "DokBok Goatboy." DokBok Goatboys are very hairy and short, only about 3-feet high. One islander indicates "the women have very long breasts, which they used to throw over their shoulders. They also had very wide mouths." "If we think about them, they are not nice people at all. Abu Gogo means 'very greedy.' They used to eat everything." During holiday ritual celebrations, the "Abu Gogo" comes out of the bushes and scares the children.

Which brings me to my question - should I turn him in?


Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 09:37:25 -0700 (PDT)
From: Coco_no_gogo
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
I think that we are misssing an opportunity for
merchandising. I remember in college I used to get mad and drink
alot. I used to think that we just needed an idea like
the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that we could turn
into some sort of lucrative business. Salmon Boy and
the Monkey Platoon never quite caught on but these
"Abu Gogo" might just be the answer. Let's not "out" DokBok without the proper fanfare.
Everyone create one "Abu Gogo" character and we will
work out the story. We can even work in elements of Salmon Boy and the
Monkey Platoon and the feared but respected giant
hairy creature "Mookie(TM)".

They also need a theme song. If we time it right, we may even be able to take
advantage of the "Intelligent Design"/evolution debate
that's playing out in Kansas and make our characters
part of the Kansas Science Curriculum.
Who's with me?

Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 12:53:49 -0400 (EDT)
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
Done, Coco. My character is a pedophilic outlaw roller-derby player. His costume consists of licorice bikini, top hat, and feather boa, and his trademark saying is, "Here kiddy, kiddy, kiddy." I'm thinking his name will be DokBok GoatBoy.
I'll work on the theme song.

Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 11:51:25 -0700 (PDT)
From: Alceste
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
My proposed action figure is an overweight, eyeglass wearing school teacher with a hawaiian shirt. His secret weapon is a shit smudge. Also, he is constantly drunk, rude and slightly smelly. The action figure comes with an "action kit". The kit contains two spare livers, a tube of preparation H, adult wipes and a bong.

Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 14:59:09 -0400 (EDT)
From: OneEar
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
We're off to a good start:

Abu Gogo
Baboomba Ma Mojo
Da Hooha Da Dodo
Abu Gogo

Hey, you little, hairy, zany hominids!
I refuse to put my feet in any shoes but yours!!
I’d rather rather bleed from every orifice with Ebola or Marburg than to brush my teeth with anything but an Abu Gogo electric toothbrush,
And I love your cereal and your action figures!!

Abu DokBok
Da liddle scary goat-wok
Wit liddle liddle peecock
Abu DokBok

Abu Smello
Drungy Teechu Tello
Da pupu da beegto
Abu Smello

Hey, you little, fuzzy, stupid prehumans!
I really dig your sheets and bathroom sets!!!
I can’t bear the thought of life without a complete set of Abu Gogo trading cards!!!
And I can’t wait to get the implants and throw them over my shoulders

Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 15:03:49 -0400
From: Ono
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
My proposed action figure will be a overly polite young man of strict
upbringing with a bad habit of leaving fun events early and nervously
cupping his balls though his pantspockets. His secret power will be an
ability to fart and blame it on others. His costume will be shorts,
black socks and white tennis shoes and a utility fanny pack with maps,
sparre change in differen currencies, lip balm, xray/sunglasses that
cover up regular glasses (like Coco used to have), a club magzine and ky
for stress relief.

Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 15:09:28 -0400 (EDT)
From: OneEar
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
Abu Pupu
Paakit Pulpuul
Bybye PeeYu
Abu Pupu


Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 15:11:49 -0700 (PDT)
From: Coco
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
Now that is what I am talking about. Let's keep it
rolling!!
I spent the afternoon working on some drawings to help
bring the characters to life. I have access to some
animation technology and that really helped. I am no
artist but I think that I have at least given us a
good start. See attached.




Date: Tue, 03 May 2005 15:20:45 -0700
From: DokBok
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
Look, Counselor, I thought you said 'abu googoo' means 'DokBok Goatboy'. Then you said an islander said it means 'very greedy'. Well, which is it? Do you want that I freeze, or that I get down on the ground? 'Causin if'n I gets down on the ground, well, I'll likely be in motion.
I think your credibility is starting to waver.

do you think children would be more scared of someone their own size, or a big furry gin-soaked Wookie with not particularly fra fur? This story of yours is getting sketchier by the moment. The authorities will never buy it.

I'm sure the African American community will love the idea of a "Mookie (TM)".

Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 15:40:05 -0700 (PDT)
From: Coco
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
There is nothing offensive about Mookie(TM).
I have discovered a page dedicated to Mookie the Dog.
It turns out that Mookie leaks urine as a result of a
botched neutering.
www.golden-retriever.com/mookie-gric.htm
Needless to say I think our Mookie(TM) should be a
leaker as well. This story is really starting to write
itself.

Date: Tue, 3 May 2005 19:49:03 -0400
From: Ono
Subject: Re: Dodo's song
DokBok, your character will be called "Polacck" who believes that ever girl in the bar is in love with him. His special powers is a grasp of thousand of inane factoids and the ability to have multiple orgasms.


Date: Wed, 4 May 2005 12:19:38 -0400 (EDT)
From: OneEar
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
I am merely repeating the facts reported by 60 minutes. Abu Gogo translates literally into "very greedy but with a grapefruit sized brain." It is only when translating this into English for the Polish phrase "little man with insatiable appetite, small penis and smaller brain" that one arrives at the referenced translation.
The 60 Minutes piece also explicitly referenced scaring children. It did not explain exactly what the children feared, but I think we all know.

Date: Wed, 04 May 2005 09:25:16 -0700
From: DokBok
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
which one am I? the short one with hair? (read: 'short, hairy people')


Date: Wed, 04 May 2005 09:25:25 -0700
From: DokBok
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
Oh, he's a leaker, alright. Oh, they'll be hot, alright. Chief.

Date: Wed, 04 May 2005 09:28:42 -0700
From: DokBok
Subject: Re: Dodo's song
Ono,
Thanks for your generous character description. But, I noticed that Alceste and you both came up with your own characters/powers, yet I have been assigned one, foregoing the fact that this all STARTED with my original character, the aforementioned 'Abu googoo', who is either 'greedy, eating everything' or 'DokBok Goatboy', depending upon whom you believe. Try to keep up, Panties, your making the group look bad.

Date: Wed, 4 May 2005 09:50:30 -0400 (EDT)
From: OneEar
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
Correction noted, DokBok. I will use your proper name in my correspondence with the Board of Medical Examiners regarding your recent misdiagnosis. It turns out I have been walking around for a week on a fractured tibia, and though my leg may heal, I'm not sure my trust in society or the medical profession ever will.

Date: Wed, 4 May 2005 12:55:34 -0400
From: Ono
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
DokBok - OneEar is right about you being greedy - everybody else has only one character, but you of course have to have two. we don't like those apples at all mister

Date: Wed, 04 May 2005 10:19:16 -0700
From: DokBok
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
Look, the amount of misinformation flying around the clowns is disturbing: OneEar didn't say I'm greedy, a bunch of Islanders who don't know me and haven't even met me think I'm greedy. Please try to extricate yourself from the clown-rumor mill.

Date: Wed, 04 May 2005 10:36:18 -0700
From: DokBok
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
Coco, More animations, please. You're off to a roaring start and we need to take advantage of this momentum. This may be the break we've been looking for.

Date: Wed, 4 May 2005 13:52:18 -0400
From: IckyBooBoo
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
The animations have an interesting 3-Deffect that I have found is enhanced by large quantities of gin. Nice touch,Coco.

Date: Wed, 04 May 2005 11:28:22 -0700
From: DokBok
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
OneEar, gin?

Date: Fri, 6 May 2005 13:40:38 -0400 (EDT)
From: OneEar
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
But back to the point, given the 17,000 or so South Pacific islands with various inhabitants, it is awe-inspiring to ponder how many different derogatory phrases there must be for "DokBok Goatboy."
Oh, this mysterious and wonderful world in which we're living.

Date: Fri, 06 May 2005 11:05:38 -0700
From: DokBok
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
I hope you get a flat tire on your power scooter just at an inopportune moment.

Date: Tue, 10 May 2005 10:41:47 -0400 (EDT)
From: OneEar
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
DokBok; Our group would be much stronger and more cohesive if we all worked together. You should not spend all of your time tearing down when you could be building up. I'm sure that the degree of your greed is exaggerated by the South Pacific Islanders. See, isn't that nice?

Date: Thu, 12 May 2005 07:36:48 -0700
From: DokBok
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
Look, why is it that just because I am a little (no pun intended) "shorter" than average, and most people would agree that I am a different "species" and I may be a little "greedy" that you clowns are ganging up on me? You all act like there's something wrong with that. I mean, for God's sake, I'm sure Alceste has found a Homo Florensias porn site and masturbated to it's images. Imagine, Alceste, a 3 foot tall hairy woman with a flat head and big ears--who could ask for more?

Date: Thu, 12 May 2005 07:41:31 -0700 (PDT)
From: Alceste
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
Mmm Mmm. Flat heads are hot By the way, my boy is 1 today

Date: Thu, 12 May 2005 16:17:41 -0400 (EDT)
From: OneEar
Subject: RE: Dodo's song
Alceste, you are a wonderful person, and you should not feel the least bid ashamed about masturbating to head images, regardless of the flatness.
DokBok, do not worry about being so small. You still have a right to exist, just like normal people. Take pride in knowing that, perhaps, somewhere, someone is masturbating to an image of your flat head.
IckyBooBoo, do not be so sad. I am sure you have other friends who are not quite so stupid or childish.
AlcesteII, happy 1st birthday. It is all downhill from there.