Friday, January 07, 2011

Where Is My Calendar?

Like many people, I have gotten older over the past few years. It seems as though my age increases with each passing day.

And with age comes wisdom. And with wisdom comes wisdom teeth. And with teeth come chickens.

Which brings us to the response to a reader inquiry: "Please apply your incompatible wisdom, unparallel knowledge, and unique incisors to elucidate how one might expand the concept of a turducken ." (Or words to that effect).

If I am not mistaken, and how not mistaken could I be, it is now 2011. Yet here we are eating the same old turducken as we were eating 20 years ago. As everyone knows, the turducken is a de-boned chicken stuffed inside of a de-boned duck stuffed inside of a de-boned turkey. We have all considered stuffing that thing inside of a de-boned hog stuffed inside of a de-boned cow. So 20th century.

Let's get postmillenial. Why don't we resurrect some of the larger extinct species to continue this out to a bigger and therefore better conclusion. Recreating a mastodon should be no problem. I seem to recall, although I don't feel like spending 45 seconds on Google to confirm, that a frozen mastodon complete with viable DNA was found in the ice somewhere (probably somewhere cold).

OK, so grow one of those in a buffalo mama or whatever, and we will stuff the beef, pork, turkey, duck chicken thing into a de-boned mastodon. Now let's get creative. If them damn scientists can stop dicking around with chicken's teeth and watching us masturbate long enough to get some work done, they should be able to reverse engineer some other species like the T-Rex and the Apatosauraus.

What I am proposing, my culinary colleagues, is nothing short of the Apatyranomastobeebacoturducken (drizzled with reduction of dodo).


Doc Bok said...

Good ole drinkin' Fridays.

Alcestosaur, you say? Pray, tell; your knowledge is indeed not parallel nor is your wisdom at all compatible, though, like your incisors, likely it is toothy.

Nevertheless, you forgot the Mastodon. For God's sake; you call yourself some kind of culinary wizard, indeed, some kind of idiot chef?

Where has he gone?

OneEar said...

Thank you for the correction. I am glad that one of us was listening to me.

Doc Bok said...

and I'm not even getting paid a penny by that Foundation of yours...

Doc Bok said...

What in the world was wrong with 'Brontosaurus'?


Everything I learned as a child is evidently wrong; next you'll tell me that the Pilgrims did not create the economic engine that made the United States of America a viable global entity--that, somehow, they were not the Founders of this country? Them and their idiotic religious ideals that haunt us to this day, much as the Branched Davidians (thanks to the FBI) do? Go ahead, say it. Say that this country is not somehow completely based on the religious zealotry of a bunch of completely misguided douchebags who sailed over to a cold, wilderness part of the continent without even basic boyscout survival skills? You think that this country came from people SMARTER than them? Impossible. Just turn on any reality TV show if you don't believe me. Thanks God my childhood memories won't be shattered.