Things I forgot to tell you

Willie Nelson was tragically killed by a hit-and-run driver in front of his suburban house last night. Apparently, Willie was playing on the road again.

I am very concerned about the rampant peanut allergies I keep hearing about. Last night, one of the moms from One Jr.'s basketball team told me that her son has a very dangerous peanut allergy. She showed me where to find his epi-pen. I was struck dumb.

First, why is everyone suddenly allergic to peanuts? When I was a kid, peanut butter was a universally accepted staple. Now it is a hazardous substance. This seems like an extraordinarily fast evolution in the defense mechanism of the peanut.

Second, what is the danger? Peanuts always give me gas. Is this what they are talking about? I learned about the hazards of eating legumes from Mel Brooks' "Blazing Saddles, " but I never let farting stop me from playing basketball. Why do you think they invented those long shorts that vent the gas down farther away from nose level?

Third, since when is some stranger who agrees to coach basketball qualified to give your son an injection? I considered telling her, "Oh thanks, here is my son's jock itch cream, but make sure none gets on his hands or it will make the ball slippery."

I tell ya, I do. Yep. Its something.