Professor Michio Kaku, of City University in New York, has ruled out time travel for at least a few millennia, but believes invisibility cloaks and telepathy could be possible this century.
Well, smarty pants, why can't I invent my Jack-off Drive (TM) now with technology brought to me from the future by a Jack-off Driver (TM)? I will consider Jack-off Driving backwards to move the technology farther into the past of space-time, but I will decline to do so because it would make my Jack-off Drive obsolete and therefore worthless in my present and will not buy me a new boat.
I had not considered creating an invisibility cloak, but, once I've worked out the details of the Jack-off Drive (TM), I will go back and think of that one earlier.
As for telepathy, I can see no practical benefits to that given the widespread availability of CB radios.
The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
Showing posts with label jack. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jack. Show all posts
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Ron Paul Inflexible
Correction: The FU previously incorrectly published information indicating that Presidential Candidate H. Ron Paul was reknowned for his ability to fellate himself. We retract this statement and apologize for any confusion. We have it on good authority that he is physically unable to complete this feat. Apparently whoever he fellated, it was not himself. Perhaps it was another candidate.
Regardless, the FU is considering supporting Ron despite his shortcomings. Texan H. Ron Paul and his running mate, The Crazy Admiral, are burning up the internets with their Presidential campaign, and the First Unichurck wants to jump into the flames early. To provide logistical support for this campaign, we will be splitting up the congregation into 4 teams, each to be assigned to one of the 4 segments of the internets - A)self-help-seeking/personal obsession sites; B)pornography; C)amateur author/musician/filmmaker sites; and D) pornography.
In order to help out Ron, we will need to determine the following:
1- When is this so-called election and how does one submit his/her/transgender's choice?
2- Who are the other candidates and do they rape babies and/or kittens?
3- Given the obvious connection with L.Ron, would TomKat, Vinnie Barbarino, and KirstieKreme Ally line up for some support? It never hurts to ask (unless the answerer punches you in the face or seizes your bank account).
4 - How else can we harness the fanatics and conspiracy-theorists?
Now, the only problem I see is that Ron is a Texan. Every southern president since Eisenhower turned out to be either incompetent or a jackass. To wit:
Lyndon B. Johnson - Texan - Jackass
Jimmy Carter - Georgian - Incompetent
George HW Bush - Texan - Incompetent
Billary Clinton - Arkansan - Jackass
Geo. Bush - Texan - Incompetent Jackass
L.Ron is virtually guaranteed to be either incompetent or a jackass. I guess we need to determine which before we really put the full thrust of the FU support behind him.
Regardless, the FU is considering supporting Ron despite his shortcomings. Texan H. Ron Paul and his running mate, The Crazy Admiral, are burning up the internets with their Presidential campaign, and the First Unichurck wants to jump into the flames early. To provide logistical support for this campaign, we will be splitting up the congregation into 4 teams, each to be assigned to one of the 4 segments of the internets - A)self-help-seeking/personal obsession sites; B)pornography; C)amateur author/musician/filmmaker sites; and D) pornography.
In order to help out Ron, we will need to determine the following:
1- When is this so-called election and how does one submit his/her/transgender's choice?
2- Who are the other candidates and do they rape babies and/or kittens?
3- Given the obvious connection with L.Ron, would TomKat, Vinnie Barbarino, and KirstieKreme Ally line up for some support? It never hurts to ask (unless the answerer punches you in the face or seizes your bank account).
4 - How else can we harness the fanatics and conspiracy-theorists?
Now, the only problem I see is that Ron is a Texan. Every southern president since Eisenhower turned out to be either incompetent or a jackass. To wit:
Lyndon B. Johnson - Texan - Jackass
Jimmy Carter - Georgian - Incompetent
George HW Bush - Texan - Incompetent
Billary Clinton - Arkansan - Jackass
Geo. Bush - Texan - Incompetent Jackass
L.Ron is virtually guaranteed to be either incompetent or a jackass. I guess we need to determine which before we really put the full thrust of the FU support behind him.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Al Gore's Transvestitism
Has anyone else noticed that this internet is all full of words and images and sounds? Isn't there anything decent on this thing?
Where can you find justice or holiness or a Baco-dog (TM)?
Not on this fucking internet, that is for sure.
Where can you find justice or holiness or a Baco-dog (TM)?
Not on this fucking internet, that is for sure.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Lily?
How can Lily Munster die and no one says jack? Secondly, as a vampiress, how can Lily Munster die? Period. Life doesn't make any sense to me anymore.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
I'm In the Money
Drinks are on me!!!!! My royalty check has arrived from sales of the award winning career guide, "What Color is My Pair of Shoes? Vol 1"
http://oneear.blogspot.com/2004/12/what-color-is-my-pair-of-shoes-vol-i.html
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