The FU is encouraging all parishioners to complete a "Life List" before the next service. Here is mine so far:
1) Complete Life List
2)
The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
Showing posts with label life list. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life list. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Dwarf-like Goat Man Behind Success
Dr. Louden Buttoffskey, the renowned surgeon who has been affiliated with an until now prestigious West-coast university hospital, made scientific history last weekend when he actually managed to do the hokey-pokey.
Granted the aging doctor is not the first human to successfully enter his own winky with his wee willy. What makes his feat so remarkable is that the dwarf-like goat-man has such an unusually small giggle-stick and most assumed that it would never reach the knot in his balloon. His bald yogurt-slinger has earned the moniker "Easy Rider" for more than one reason. Often seen humping large rats or the occassional dwarf-elephant, LBok typically succeeds in his amorous pursuits precisely because of his miniscule stink hammer: His prey often doesn't even notice that he's doing them.
So, onlookers and the internet community alike were amazed when Doc Bok took a swig of his home-brewed whisky, removed all of his clothes, and then chortled, "you may feel a little prick!" He then contorted his hooved shanks up over his head and curved his body around his own back such that he resembled a very disgusting cinnabun. Covered in a brown, sticky glaze, and wrapped in cellaphane, the surgeon then carefully probed his blind eye with his one-eyed worm.
"I didn't even know whether I'd successfully tickled my pickle," Doc Bok was heard to say afterwards, "until I after I'd put my capri pants back on and noticed all of the santorum."
LBok had been urged to attempt the feat on numerous occassions, but, until now he had succeeded only in using his fist for the old chimney sweep and, on one occasion, digging mud with the tongue shovel. Now, Bok has crossed that final frontier, he has gone where no man has gone before (except that many men have actually been to his, you know, but anyway).
Congratulations to you, Doc Bok, now you can move on to the next item on your life list.
Granted the aging doctor is not the first human to successfully enter his own winky with his wee willy. What makes his feat so remarkable is that the dwarf-like goat-man has such an unusually small giggle-stick and most assumed that it would never reach the knot in his balloon. His bald yogurt-slinger has earned the moniker "Easy Rider" for more than one reason. Often seen humping large rats or the occassional dwarf-elephant, LBok typically succeeds in his amorous pursuits precisely because of his miniscule stink hammer: His prey often doesn't even notice that he's doing them.
So, onlookers and the internet community alike were amazed when Doc Bok took a swig of his home-brewed whisky, removed all of his clothes, and then chortled, "you may feel a little prick!" He then contorted his hooved shanks up over his head and curved his body around his own back such that he resembled a very disgusting cinnabun. Covered in a brown, sticky glaze, and wrapped in cellaphane, the surgeon then carefully probed his blind eye with his one-eyed worm.
"I didn't even know whether I'd successfully tickled my pickle," Doc Bok was heard to say afterwards, "until I after I'd put my capri pants back on and noticed all of the santorum."
LBok had been urged to attempt the feat on numerous occassions, but, until now he had succeeded only in using his fist for the old chimney sweep and, on one occasion, digging mud with the tongue shovel. Now, Bok has crossed that final frontier, he has gone where no man has gone before (except that many men have actually been to his, you know, but anyway).
Congratulations to you, Doc Bok, now you can move on to the next item on your life list.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Al Gore's Transvestitism
Has anyone else noticed that this internet is all full of words and images and sounds? Isn't there anything decent on this thing?
Where can you find justice or holiness or a Baco-dog (TM)?
Not on this fucking internet, that is for sure.
Where can you find justice or holiness or a Baco-dog (TM)?
Not on this fucking internet, that is for sure.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
First Unichurck Finds a Home
Fellow FUCkers;
I would like to invite us all to fellowship in a house of worship made entirely of legos.
Get a load of this.
I think this will be perfect for our next retreat.
I would like to invite us all to fellowship in a house of worship made entirely of legos.
Get a load of this.
I think this will be perfect for our next retreat.
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