Correction: The FU previously incorrectly published information indicating that Presidential Candidate H. Ron Paul was reknowned for his ability to fellate himself. We retract this statement and apologize for any confusion. We have it on good authority that he is physically unable to complete this feat. Apparently whoever he fellated, it was not himself. Perhaps it was another candidate.
Regardless, the FU is considering supporting Ron despite his shortcomings. Texan H. Ron Paul and his running mate, The Crazy Admiral, are burning up the internets with their Presidential campaign, and the First Unichurck wants to jump into the flames early. To provide logistical support for this campaign, we will be splitting up the congregation into 4 teams, each to be assigned to one of the 4 segments of the internets - A)self-help-seeking/personal obsession sites; B)pornography; C)amateur author/musician/filmmaker sites; and D) pornography.
In order to help out Ron, we will need to determine the following:
1- When is this so-called election and how does one submit his/her/transgender's choice?
2- Who are the other candidates and do they rape babies and/or kittens?
3- Given the obvious connection with L.Ron, would TomKat, Vinnie Barbarino, and KirstieKreme Ally line up for some support? It never hurts to ask (unless the answerer punches you in the face or seizes your bank account).
4 - How else can we harness the fanatics and conspiracy-theorists?
Now, the only problem I see is that Ron is a Texan. Every southern president since Eisenhower turned out to be either incompetent or a jackass. To wit:
Lyndon B. Johnson - Texan - Jackass
Jimmy Carter - Georgian - Incompetent
George HW Bush - Texan - Incompetent
Billary Clinton - Arkansan - Jackass
Geo. Bush - Texan - Incompetent Jackass
L.Ron is virtually guaranteed to be either incompetent or a jackass. I guess we need to determine which before we really put the full thrust of the FU support behind him.
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6 comments:
what happened to the "classic Rusty golf shirt"? I want to order one, and now it's not there. Just a bunch of dumb t-shirts and wife-beating apparrell.
And another thing: I can use as many superfluous "l's" as I would like, because, who seriously beats his/her/transgender's wife these days, anyway? Now, I mean beat in the classic sense, not some mamby-pamby whacks here and there for poor performances in the bedroom. Buhnderwear and sour kraut has been known to whack his wife around a bit for her disinterest in his little sausage, but we can't really count that now, can we?
I see the doctor has been dipping into the prescription cabinet again.
that still doesn't answer my question about the classic Rusty golf shirt.
Hi Loud But Off Key,
One Ear mentioned that you've dipping into the prescription cabinet again. Would you like to share?
That depends.
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