Many people, or at least one, have posed the question, "Why the First Unichurck? Don' t you think it is kind of silly to worship a one-eared, slightly incompetent sheep toy invented by (your friend) Cocoa-no-Gogo?"
Have you never sat out in nature watching a sunset at dawn? Have you never smelled the sweet fragrance of flowers in a field covered with new fallen snow? Have you never heard the mating dance of a flock of wild ponies? If you have, then you know what I'm talking about, and that goes doubly if you haven't.
It has been established by "science" that happy religious people are happier than unhappy people. Honestly, it is true. Studies show it. Why would this possibly be? Because the contemplative life is best achieved by pondering an undead magical savior-ghost?
Meditation changes the human brain, and we assume that this change is for the better. (Alcohol does too, but that is a different matter). Meditation actually increases the brain size, and, in religion, size matters. So, if you are a human being that values his/her/transgender's brain, the evidence is clear. You should meditate each and every day. Warning: Do not meditate to excess or while driving. If you think that you might be a meditation-holic, you are one. It is time to slow down and get some help.
"That doesn't answer the question," you might be thinking. "Why worship Rusty when there are so many other more widely-accepted magical savior-ghosts to consider?" The answer lies in the question. What was the question again?
Now, I've gone back to the beginning of this post to remind myself about the question, and I've ended up here again. This seems to be some kind of a circular-type circle. And so it is with religion.
As Arlo Guthrie once said while misquoting someone else, "You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in."
The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
4 comments:
Hi OneEar,
The congregation of the First Unichurck looks to you for spiritual guidance to lead them out of the darkness. It’s up to you show them the way. You have been chosen over all sheep to lead us down the path of glory or infamy…your choice. It’s an arduous mission but someone has to step up to the altar and accept it. Halleluiah!
Finally, some unquestioning submission to my authority. I was beginning to lose faith in this whole concept of blind faith.
Strap-on your religious garb, because here comes some religion: "The way out of darkness is light." (Of course, the preceding assumes that you want out of the darkness. Otherwise, darkness is a nice time to get some sleep, have sex, or shoot off some fireworks. Warning: Do not do all three simultaneously!)
Hi OneEar,
Amen. Don’t doubt the concept of blind faith; there are myriads of sheep (oops!) willing to follow any leader that preaches the words they want to hear.
My religious garb is tied on snugly. The last time I was totally in the dark I was half asleep; vaguely remember the sex; and the fireworks fizzled, or was that the sex? Please show me the light. Halleluiah!
ML, when you say you "vaguely remember the sex," I can only conclude that you have, in fact, met my friend LBok. He is a master with a prescription pad and/or a rag soaked in flunitrazepam.
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