The FU is much like the Heaven's Gate religion, only it is not a cult and it is not run by a crazy person. (Incidentally, the HG (HG WELLS, coincidence?) used to meet at the Pat Boone Motel. Following this model, I was thinking that we should meet at the Buzz Bresette Motel. I can't remember where it is. Kittyhawk?) But, unlike the HG, the FU hasn't found its gimmick yet. Hows about oral?
When I was in high school, for several months, I attended a southern baptist church because I was trying to have sex with a girl who believed in that particular faith. As an aside, this happened in Virginia where religions followed a practice known as "segregation." On one occasion, several of our youth group went on some sort of exchange to a black baptist church, and I saw first-hand how the other side lives. They rocked! People were jumping around and singing and testifying. It was almost enough to make you believe in ghosts.
Anyway, back to pubescent intercourscepades. The preacher's daughter (not the particular object of my affection, but I would gladly have affected her too) was a comely lass who, although somewhat tom-boyish, had a nice set of feeding pimples. My friend, we'll call him Mark because that was/is his name, and the preacher's daughter, and my affect and myself were walking on the beach one night when we split off into teams. When we looked back, the preacher's daughter was giving Mark a blow-job right there on the beach! No matter how many times I nudged, winked, and gestured, my friend didn't seem to get the hint.
I trace the moment that I lost faith to the time when I found out there was no Santa Claus. However, the lack of sexual gratification on the beach while the preacher's daughter blew my friend pretty much sealed it. Wouldn't an omnipotent benevolent God hook me up?
The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
2 comments:
You would think he would, wouldn't you? But in your case, I guess not. Cruel Fate, thank you for mocking someone else, for a change! The only thing worse than not getting blowed is having to watch your friend getting blowed right there in front of you by the preacher's daughter.
You make a good point. I think the appropriate conjugation for blow-job is- I was blown, he was blown, you blew.
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