Well, it turns out that "OneEar's High School Memories - the Game Show" was not as big of a hit as anticipated. One would have thunk that Col would have backed me up on the toy noose story, but so be it. I didn't even go into the time that the cheerleader with the fake leg kicked it off during a homecoming assembly.
So, now I'm left with college memories. OK. You asked for it.
I have a vague, cloudy recollection of a time that I and 4 or 5 of my closest friends decided to jump the fence to get into the football stadium for some reason. This sounds like a relatively easy task except for the fact that I recently had experienced knee surgery and was hobbling around on crutches.
At the time, my disability apparently did not disable me (or, perhaps I had even greater disabilities) because I threw my crutches aside and followed the rest of the idiots over the wall. (Disclaimer: I may have been the lead idiot, I really don't remember).
So, what does a group of 20 somethings do when they scale the wall and break into a football stadium? They head for the press box. I, being less nimble than the rest due to my full leg brace, stumbled along across the football field whilst the other 3-4 idiots scampered up the bleachers to the press box. As luck would have it, one of the press box windows was unclasped, and the idiot brigade managed to infiltrate the enclosure. I, of course, was still on the field hobbling ever so courageously toward my comrades. One of the fellows, we'll call him Coco, began poking at the buttons on the PA system. You've heard about chimpanzees using typewriters? Same thing. And, by some coincidence of rudimentary intelligence and luck, this fellow, we'll call him Coco, managed to turn on the Public Address system for the football stadium.
You can probably predict what happened next. After several inappropriate announcements of increasing volume, the system began feeding back into a squeal amplifed by the speakers of a football stadium (= LOUD). The chimps had no idea as to how to shut it off, nor the inclination to figure it out, so they scampered back across the field, past your limping hero, to scale the wall and leave.
There comes a time in every man's life when he is limping across a football field he has unlawfully entered around bar time wearing a leg cast whilst a PA system is screaming to all law enforcement personnel to come detain him when he asks himself, "Is there any reason why I should not kill those F^ckers?"
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7 comments:
You are such a whining wuss.
I hope there was alcohol involved.
Good ol' Coco!
Hello little Buddha!
You shouldn't whine, OneEar. We have subsequently saved your ass on countless occasions. In fact, I can remember one time when we drew lots to literally pluck shards of glass that had become embedded in your ass cheeks. Moreover, without thinking very hard I can recall six separate incidents in which I alone saved you from an untimely death.
Coco:
That's very Desmond-like of you. Can you see the future as well?
Sven,
I can not see the future but as I have previously reported I am able to predict what song will play on the radio next.
This Desmond charachter is from Lost, right? I have seen this show only once. Thrre years ago I happened to be at BratwurstundSauerkraut's condo where we watched the premiere. We turned it off after 30 minutes and predicted that it would never last.
I have cut my TV watching down to two shows -- The Office and American Idol. After last night's Idol I think I may be down to one. It's not that I think they weren't being sincere or they weren't doing a good thing but the whole thing seemed contrived and somewhat out of place. I now have a theroy that all the contestants are not real but are in fact computer-generated in a way that is similar to what they did with Elvis. Once a winner is selected they hire an actor to play the part.
Now starring in the role of Kelly Clarkson -- Valerie Bertenelli.
Coco:
That would be the younger-thinner Valerie not the older-fatter-seperated-from-Eddie-trying-to-move-on-with-her-life Valerie, right? I saw a picture of Kelly Clarkson in the paper today and she didn't even look like the same person from Season 1. You may be onto something with the whole CG thing.
I too have nearly given up on Idol this year. To say that Wednesday night was contrived is an understatement. The "MOST SHOCKING RESULTS SHOW EVER" turned out to be the most lame.
Yes Desmond in from Lost. It's now the only show I watch. I used to sit through Grey's Anatomy as a favor to FrankenKristin but I could no longer stomach it after that ridiculous three-show run where Merideth pretended to die. Killing off the title character is courageous TV, bring her back to life and you've jumped the shark.
Sven, although that expression you used has become standard lingo, I'll have you know that I was very, very excited to watch the episode where Fonzi jumped the shark. I was scared to death that he wouldn't make it. And besides, who could dislike seeing a bunch of pasty Wisconsiners coming out here to hang out in their leather jackets on the beach in L.A.? Just like with "Joey", you realize that the writers must get to a point where they can no longer imagine anything outside of their own physical surroundings, so the characters naturally migrate to a place where the writers don't have to think so hard and can rely on daily observations of local color. Don't you think?
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