OneEar Is Re-Arisen!

OneEar has re-seized the throne!

Enough Korean cuisine news!
Enough images of California service stations!
In short, enough of DokBok and his puppet regime!

Let's get back to the core beliefs that hold us FU-ing together.
Where is the rhino news?
Where is the Abu Gogo news?
Where is Coco's camera?

And, in the end, where is the music?

Code Rut-Ro Runs Into a Zoinks!

You've got your upside and then you've got your downside. There's the rub.

The First Unichruck is trying to re-originate the Western black rhino (Codename Rut-Ro). As noted previously, in order to originate this sub-species of rhino, somebody needs to get f^cked by an Eastern black rhino. The problem arises because all of the suggested recipients of a good rhino-f^cking are people whose characteristics one would not want to reproduce in the rhino population.

Case in point - Ronald Dumsfeld. Granted, he could use a good rhino-f^cking. He'd probably enjoy it. "Give it to me, you big, horny liberator," he'd probably say. But, do we really want a species of rhinos that are as short-sighted, unsympathetic and fanatical as Dumsfeld?

Others have suggested that Paris Hilton might accomodate a good rhino-f^cking. Probably true, but there are two problems: 1) you can't impregnate via the mouth and 2) the rhino offspring would be unbearable. I'd probably shoot one myself just to keep it off of the airwaves.

We must find someone who could accomodate a good rhino-f^cking but who would not harm the disposition of the rhino species. Who?

Charging Rhino

Query: How do you stop a charging rhino?
Answer: Take away his credit card.

Rusty's Unextinct The Rhino Operation

Rusty's Unextinct the Rhino Operation (code Rut-Ro) has begun reanimation processes to re-originate the black rhino. In a sharp split from his past directives, Rusty is now endorsing certain classes of the undead including Saviors and rhinoceri (but not garden variety zombies or accountants).

Rusty's godly directive to "Get f^cked by a rhino" will be analyzed over coming months by the First Unichurck high council. Chief spokesman OneEar has indicated that, in this instance, he would rather that someone else be "the chosen One."

The True Churck has begun stockpiling petroleum jelly, screw drivers, and other prying implements in anticipation of the high council's canonical imperative.

Rhinorevival

I've got it! We'll recreate the now extinct black rhino.

The way I understand Darwinism, somebody needs to f^ck white rhinos and then kill the offspring until a black rhino appears. This is called natural preservation.

Then, somebody needs to f^ck that black rhino and give it all kinds of treats. This is called natural selection. It is how you origin a species.

Get to work, rhino-f^ckers!

Way to Extinguish Another Cool Animal, A$$w!pes.

Well, now you've gone and killed off the Western black rhino. see Western black rhino feared extinct. Way to go, rhino-f^ckers!