Blood In Your Stool? Join Us!

Perhaps, the problem is that we have been too broad in our outreach. In trying to appeal to everybody, we have appealed to no bodies. Perhaps we should tailor our message to a particular segment of the population. Let's start with those who have blood in their stool.

The campaign will go something like this. If you are talking to someone and the conversation turns toward who has blood in their stool, you could interject, "Blood in your stool? You should join the First Unichurck." Then, give him/her/transgender the pamphlet - Why The First Unichurck is the only religion that makes any sense for a person with blood in his/her/transgender's stool.

If you are speaking before a group, say at your local Lion's Club or Underminer's Society, all the better. You will have the opportunity to steer the conversation appropriately. "Let's see a show of hands for who has blood in their stool. Keep em up. Now, how many of you belong to a religion that addresses the blood in your stool? Right. Now, put your hands back up if you have blood in your stool. Some of you who raised your hands last time are not raising them this time. Come on now, put em up. Ok, all of you who are not raising your hands come up here and deposit some stool on this big sheet of plastic so that we can make sure that you are in the right group. " etc. You can see how this will work to our advantage.

Once we have captured the large and growing blood-in-the-stool crowd, we can move on to other groups such as blood-in-the-urine and halitosis. In other words, let's let the churck grow organically.

UPDATE! How about "cigars in his/her/transgender's stool?" Would that be better?

EVEN FARTHER UP DATE!! More great reasons to drink urine.

THAT'S AS FAR UP AS IT REACHES DATE!!! Now I know what has been missing from the Clown Squad sound - a 6 inch floral bouquet.