Dear Dok Bok;
I have two "medical" problems which I would like for you to address.
1) After a typical night of drinking, I awake with a typical hang-over of the typical type than can be treated with typical aspirin and typical water. However, about 12 hours later, I begin to suffer from a fluttering, pounding heartbeat which lasts for 24-48 hours and of the type which is sufficiently unnerving to cause one to awake from one's sleep and to thereafter check that one's life insurance premiums are paid up. This does not seem right. Is there anything I can do during the first 12 hours to avoid the next 24-48?
2) I have encountered people who can burp on purpose. Can this be accomplished with farting?
The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
10 comments:
RE: apparent heart attack, I am having my masseuse call Mary Kate Olsen every 10 minutes, just in case.
Whew. I guess it was ASHLEY Olsen I was calling.
By the by, ****This should not be construed, nor misconstrued for "MEDICAL" advice, here or anywhere that this can be read****the condition that you describe is something cheerfully referred to around Christmastime as 'holiday heart'. The mechanism is electrocardiac irritability, if you will, as the alcohol slowly wears off. Alcohol has a lubricating/soothing effect on electroconductivity, generally raising the threshold for neural activity in the brain (which explains much of your actions) and elsewhere in the body (which explains why you tend to stumble as you lope when you are listening to your pickled brain). Once you stop drinking, something I would NEVER recommend in your case, the surface of your neurons and other electrical cabling, such as that in the conduction system of your heart, becomes hyperexcitable and tends to ejaculate prematurely and often. That results in various types of dysrhythmias, most often atrial fibrillation or atrial flutter. Fortunately for the likes of you, it tends to go away after a while, and usually doesn't effect the real pumps of the heart, the ventricles. But sometimes it can, so you may want to keep Mary Kate's phone number on your cell's speed-dial.
The reason it's called 'holiday heart' is that it is seen most often around Christmas/Thanksgiving, when people hang out and drink a little more than they otherwise might.
The medical community should consider redesignating the condition, in your condition, to:
"OneEar's Ticking Timebomb, No Matter What the Occasion or Time of The Year. And One For the Lady"
The answer to #2, by the btw, is a resounding "yes"
I see. I need to invent some sort of heart de-lubricant. This doesn't sound very difficult. I will begin experimenting immediately.
By the BTW, all of your German gibberish a few posts back reminded me of some research I did about the way that Adolph Hitler tied his shoes - in little Nazis.
Hi OneEar,
The Führer making little Nazi’s with his shoelaces is lustig!
If you discover how to flatulate on command, please pass the technique along to your faithful First Unichurck flock. I’ve always wanted to be able to expel intestinal gas at inopportune moments…SBD’s anyone??
I believe it was Bunderkraut, not Hitler, who rendered his laces in little Nazis. For your FYI.
I want to know why there is no link to my blog? http://yanksgalsdiatribes.blogspot.com Just because I am not a member of the church does not mean I have no value as a human...
Kay
New members are always welcome. I think OneEar is trying to reach some critical mass of sorts, anyway. It's nice to see your writing again, Kay.
Well hello Kay; Ask and ye shall receive.
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