I have been working on a new invention. It is called a "time machine." No, it is not a machine that tells you the time. That device is called a "clock."
Rather, my machine allows the user to think as though he/she/transgender exists at different coordinates in time. Perhaps it should more accurately be called a "time-transfer machine."
Please don't get hung up on the name. We can call it a "jack-off drive" for all I care about the name. Actually, a "jack-off drive" would be fairly easy to market.
So, as I was saying, my new "jack-off drive" is revolutionary, and everybody needs one. I can't go into the engineering details of the "jack-off drive" (TM), but, let's just say that it makes an otherwise lengthy commute into a beautiful, cataclysmic, ecstatic umph.
Well, now I've lost interest in whatever I was doing.
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15 comments:
Hi OneEar,
The “Jack-Off Drive™” was originally conceived by Herbert George Wells in the book “The Time Machine” (1895). You’ll probably win a Nobel Prize if you’re able to bring this idea to fruition. And think of the notoriety this will create for the Churck and your family….
Why can't you spend more time getting the JACK-OFF DRIVE (JOD) to do what its name implies? For God's sake?
LOL…
OneEar could be another Bill Gates, if he can get his Jack-Off Drive™ off the ground and flying.
Bill Gates? I think Bill Carter would be a better analogy. (Jimmy's brother, for the young crowd)
“Billy Beer” Carter? He died in Plains, Georgia of pancreatic cancer in 1988 at the age of 51.
OneEar has always been jealous of the accomplishments of Billy Carter, including his foray (sp?) into personalized beer. Alceste has/had a beer can collection which included a "Billy Beer" can.
And do you think the similarity between the age at which Billy died and "Area 51" is a coincidence? I think not.
Hi Doc Bok,
OneEar is envious of Billy having worked for his older brother in the family business of growing peanuts? Or of his outlandish behavior as a beer-drinking Southern good ol’ boy that once urinated on an airport runway in full view of the press and dignitaries? Or having lost the mayoral election in Plains, Georgia in 1976 while his brother and sister-in-law were on their way to The White House?
Are you suggesting that Prez Carter might have sent his colorful brother to the Nevada Test and Training Range, owned by the U.S. Department of Defense and the Air Force, to help in the operation and analysis of enemy aircraft and weapon systems and the secret development and testing of new military aircraft? Maybe Billy was abducted from “The Box” by a UFO, never to be seen or heard from again, and is happily slurping beer from somewhere in outer space. That’s an imaginative conspiracy theory…
Are “Billy Beer” cans worth much as collectibles?
A little mood music for the topic...
Twilight Zone
It is a well-known fact that all of man's great inventions can be traced to sex.
A.G. Bell had such a phone-sex fetish that he had to go to the trouble of inventing the phone.
Hi OneEar,
“All of man’s great inventions can be traced to sex” is an interesting hypothesis. Any ideas on how the wheel fits into this theory?
Litzi, any teenage boy can answer that question. You can't get laid until you get a set of wheels.
Hi OneEar,
Dang….why didn’t I think of that?
watch your use of that word. dang.
Like ding, dang, dong, ya’ll?
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