BrownEye, Girl

Whatever happened?
Thursdays and Cocoa.
Going down with The Underminers
On a damn twisted ladies hole

FU Weekly - Tantric Correction

Underminers Society Missing!

The Underminers Society of America, motto - "Under All Lies Dirt," are missing, and investigators are very worried. Following the success of their Friendship Hankie project, the Underminers apparently acquired a shovel. Exactly what they intended to do with the digging implement is the subject of intense speculation. The secretive burrowing group began a series of closed session meetings to which access was very guarded, and experts have only been able to hypothesize about what they might have been up to.

However, a spokesman for the First Unichurck, the faith-based establishment where the Underminers had been holding their meetings, announced that the Churck computer browser history showed some unusual activity for which Churck members are unable to account.


OneEar, in prepared remarks on behalf of the First Unichurck, stated: "I think the idiots drowned."

Underminers Present First Annual BBQ

The Underminers Society of America is holding its First Annual "What Are You Eating Under There?" Holiday Barbecue today. Members of the secretive society spent the last few days making final preparations including digging potti-pits and filling their recently completed moat with charcoal briquets.

The "ring of fire," as they call it, is now ready for some serious cooking. Bring what you will, throw it in the ring and watch it "burn, burn, burn."

For an entrance fee of only $20, participants can also participate in the many fun and educational activities. Experience 19th century coal miner land, 20th century coal miner land, and 21st century coal miner land, all in the same shaft. Learn why the free press must be silenced if totalitarianism is to have any hopes of success. Dig a hole and then fill it up. It is a fun filled extravaganza for the "whole" family!!!!

Underminers Digging Selves Into Whole Lot of Trouble

The Underminers' Society is really starting to get on the nerves of God. First, they tracked mud all over the vestibule after having been asked nicely (and then warned). Then, there were three Basic Freedoms missing after last week's meeting. I didn't want to say anything about it out of fear of being rude, but they didn't walk off by themselves, now did they?

The straw that sucked the camel's wack was when they dug a trench around the FU sunken garden. Practice? Why do you need to practice digging a trench?

We are trying to be hospitable, and we can certainly use the income to pay off some of our debt. But let's be reasonable about this. You are making a mess out of our sacred sacrament.

Underminers Society Sewing Its Oaths

Members of the Underminers Society, the secretive burrowing group that now meets at the FU Annex on Saturday evenings, began a Friendship Hankie fundraiser project last week. Throughout history, folk-artistic social groups have sewn individual cloth squares which are later joined to form a large group quilt called a "friendship blanket."

Inspired by this concept, the Underminers launched their Friendship Hankie project. The hankie was originally chosen over the blanket as the medium of expression because it is smaller and much easier to carry in a pocket. However, the cloth hankie was seen as irrelevant in today's disposable society.

For that reason, and because they are more adept at tunneling than at sewing, the Underminers quickly adapted their project to modern technology. Underminers Friendship Hankies are modern, 3-ply white tissue papers upon which very personalized messages have been written in permanent ink.

Many Underminers use their "Snotsheets" as they call them, to describe their innermost thoughts on topics ranging from their own shortcomings to the shortcomings of their parents and even society at large. It is hoped that these will be hot sellers, and the proceeds will be applied toward the purchase of a shovel.

-----------------
EDITORIAL: We, at the First Unichurck, wish the Underminers the best in this endeavor. We know that some FU members also belong to the Underminers, and, based upon what we know about them so far, we acknowledge your right to belong to both groups. It is not clear to us why the Underminers have their bizarre initiation rite during which they take a hideous blood oath to a pagan deity, but, other than that, they seem pretty innocuous, ableit a bit dusty.

Underminers Society Now Meets at FU

Let's give a big FU welcome to the Underminers Society of America. The USofA, like the Masons or the Elks, is a fraternal organization (which now recognizes women).

The Underminers were founded in 1925 when renowned burrower Cecil “Digger” Digston invited two business associates to dig underground tunnels from their businesses to his system of shafts which thereby created history’s first recorded “networking opportunity.”

From those humble beginnings, the Underminers eventually grew into a multi-state society. The group continues to promote tunneling and other types of burrowing but has also expanded into crawl spaces, pits, and even the occasional cellar.

Meetings of the Underminers will be held regularly each Saturday at the FU annex. Hardhats are recommended as are lights and string.