RUE Enters Into Subprime Lending

I have another one of my patented "Great Ideas(TM)." RUE will invest heavily in tulip futures. Two irrefutable facts: 1) History repeats itself; and 2) there was a price bubble in tulips in the 1630's.

As to point #1, I'm not sure what evidence there is that history repeats itself, but everyone says it so it must be true. As to point #2, we all recall living through the tulip bubble of the 1630s. There were times when a particular bulb or seed or whatever they grow from would increase in value 600% in a given day. Now, I'm no horticationist, but I do know simple math. If something increases in value 600% per day, pretty soon it will buy me a new boat.

I watch enough late night television to know two things: 1) there is no way to lose money investing in real estate and 2) girls love to show their boobs. So, I am encouraging the RUE board of directors to invest heavily in the boob market. Crap, I think I lost my train of thought when I started thinking about boobs.

UPDATE: RUE's wholly owned subsidiary ROODY'S gives tulips a AAA+++ rating!

Farther Up Date: Shares of Bear Stearns (BSC: 4.06, -25.94, -86.46%) plummeted on Monday after news broke that JPMorgan Chase (JPM: 40.53, +3.99, +10.91%) has agreed to purchase the beleaguered Wall Street icon for $236 million. That price values Bear’s shares at $2.
That is a massive discount to Bear’s closing price of $30 a share Friday, and brings a quick and painful end to the 85-year-old Wall Street investment bank.