Or this?

Cocoa Reappears

From Sunday to Thursday I was in Miami acting as the "official drunk" at the annual computer conference that my job sends me to.

As I catch up on the Unichurk postings, I am struck by the uncanny relevance these postings have to the way the last four days played out.

First, there is OneEar's posting about how drinking makes you wealthier because it allows you to acquire more contacts and build social capital. My actions proved that nothing could be truer. The first morning, as I stumbled in to the first conference session, possibly in the clothes I slept in, and bleeding from wounds of unknown origin, I knew just what the other attendees were thinking. "Here comes a guy with whom I really want to do business!" ……and "What is it that I can do to make this guy wealthier?"

Then, there is Miss Litzi's theory that one advantage to being alone is that "...you can behave outrageously without fear of condemnation from your peers." My answer to this is that if you are in a large group and your peers are uttering condemnations (as in "Mr. Cocoa, please come down from there you are frightening the other attendees") but the condemnations are unable to be comprehended by the condemned, then do those condemnations really exist?

Finally there is the pleasant reappearance of Snotty, not only on these pages but in my life as well. Let me just say that the best two ways to impress an attractive 25-year-old female colleague during dinner are:
1) Regale her in an almost never-ending babbling stream of consciousness about how you still pine for the unrequited loves of your elementary school days, and
2) Just after dessert, place your white linen napkin over your hand and engage in an extended performance of puppetry not only for her delight but for all of the wait staff as well – Good ol' Snotty!

I'm not sure for how much longer I can get away with this.

Heal Thyself

I Always Drink On Fridays

It has been all over the news! Drinking makes you wealthier!

You had to know I would pick up on this story.

Jose Can You See

Now they've really gotten my dandruff up! These furriners are going around singing our national anthem, and they're singing it Spanish! If that's not a good enough reason to pull our old pointy hats and robes out of their commemorative trophy cases, then I'm afraid that I just don't I don't know what is. My people have lived here for a long time, and this means that I am right.

How dare those furriners honor this country! If they can't sing my praises in English, then they shouldn't praise me at all. Our national anthem is a remarkable tribute to the moon landing, and the rockets red glare wasn't accomplished by a bunch of furriners (other than a few Germans, but they don't count). The last thing we need is a bunch of non-englishers mucking up our educational system.

When Columbus discovered America, he planted the stars and stripes and declared English our official language. It has been that way ever since, so get over it. Nobody wants to hear you mariaching all over the place in your gobblety gook about this great land. "Jose can you see?" Stop singing about the Estar Espangled Bannero! Why don't you just swim back to Spain and make some tacos.

One Got Fat

Remember the child safety movie with the monkey kids? It was called, "One Got Fat," and it is available for your viewing pleasure. Thanks to Sven for providing the legwork in locating this forgotten gem. It takes a while to download or to stream , but it is worth the wait.