I'll let you know what response I get.
The only official site of The First Unification Church of Kooking (fka the First Unification Church of Knowledge)(aka 1st Unichurck) and its house band, the Clown Squad (Affiliated with the community service organization The Underminers' Society of America). --THIS BLOG IS FOR RELIGIOUS, SCIENTIFIC AND EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY--(Not tested on animals)
Friday, January 23, 2009
Fate - I was hungry, you were hungry
Fate is an animal – you were at the Whole Foods yesterday. First you went to produce. You got bananas but I couldn’t see what else because my phone rang and the reception is not good in produce. Dreams of a time when we are free to truly love. I saw you again in canned goods. You like tuna (or have a cat). I was intently reading the beets can when you passed by. I didn’t dare look at you, but I kind of blocked your way for a second hoping you would introduce yourself. You didn’t, but that is ok. The fluorescent lighting seemed strangely romantic. Is it always like that or was it my heart gazing through my eyes? You got toilet paper and some other products that I won’t mention from the feminine hygiene aisle. We’ll just keep that between us as our little secret. You got the single serving frozen pizzas. That is when I knew that I was right - this was magic. You drive a newer silver/gray Jeep with an Obama bumper sticker and child car seats. Perhaps you own a daycare. That is alright, I am sure you have a wild side too. Like a wild kitten. I’ll be your dragon-slayer.
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9 comments:
The items you described are not available in Whole Foods. Sounds like pure fiction to me.
Had you said "Your nipples were as hard and long as the $53/bag of shelled peanuts", then, and only then, would have your depiction of Whole Foods/Whole Paycheck been accurate.
I guess I failed to do my homework. That explains why I received no replies. I went to Whole Foods once, but I couldn't figure out what was going on so I left. I did encounter some evil reactions when I fired up my one-occupant diesel Suburban in the parking lot.
I know. When I went in there to buy some $130 fancy French cheese, I saw a write-up about your visit, which included pictures and complex calculations regarding your carbon footprint.
After going through the checkout/second mortgage line, and then the mandatory self-flagellation station where customers are required to admit their personal faults and responsibility for all that has gone wrong with modern society, I noticed something.
There was a big red circle with a line through it over an image of you, smiling in a happy-go-lucky fashion as you put your key into the driver's side door.
Yes, my carbon footprint is rather impressive. I don't fly very often, but I make up for it by burning stuff in my back yard.
Do you ever just sit there, burn a bunch of pure carbon in your backyard, and mutter to yourself, "Take that, WholeFoods, take that"?
I'm glad you asked about the wisdom behind the currently proposed economic stimulus package. There is a lot of money going to worthless things like "planting flowers on the National Mall" and "repairing thousands of bridges that are about to disintegrate all over the country, that will surely kill travelers in a predictable fashion if they are not fixed" and other stuff.
The rationale is that these missions, pork and all, will create jobs, and people with jobs--as opposed to those without--can buy more stuff because they have paychecks that lead them to buy plasma screen TV's. The one hole in that logic is that anyone hired to plant flowers on the National Mall, probably is not high on the food chain, and probably can only buy a limited number of plasma screen TV's. I, on the other hand, am moving into a new home in the height of the economic catastrophe and will need SEVERAL plasma screen TV's, due to circumstances beyond my, or any reasonable person's, control. Therefore, it is a foregone conclusion that Quid is Pro-Quo, and that each and every American should send me $5 (a pittance, really) so that I may turn around and help the economy by SPENDING all of that money immediately on plasma screen TV's and their respective installation in my 1300-foot million-dollar castle.
Your comments are welcome, thank you.
Hi Doc Bok,
I have to be honest and inform you that your stimulus package is short-sighted. If we don't invest in the bridges, people will die. That means less $5 bills in your pocket for plasma screens for your new castle which means no economic stimulus. Back to the drawing board!
I enjoy showing my kids newspaper articles about their "stimulus" debt. Imagine going on a credit-card spending spree except you don't get to keep or use any of the items you will spend much of your life paying for. "Read it and weep, Suckers," I like to say.
Which is EXACTLY why we should use my plan. I couldn't have said it better myself.
Anonymous, your breath smells of kimchi.
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