My first clue that I had recently missed the Apocalypse was the realization that all the people around me are assholes. Seriously, I can’t imagine a group of people less deserving of being snatched from a scourged Earth by some giant puffy arms of some giant puffy Jesus than the group of louts that I encounter on a daily basis. Of course this means that I too didn’t make the cut; but really that comes as no surprise. I mean between the things I did to Heather Locklear in the early eighties (things she isn’t even aware of) and my more recent forays into the pleasures of daytime drunkenness and careless abandon, I really wasn’t expecting much. It’s just that as I sit here patiently in the tire store reviewing the blatant overcharges on my bill and watching as rubber tires made via a toxic process are mounted without care on my gas-guzzling car while at the same time my old tires make their way to a landfill where they will remain well after I’m dead; and as I try to avoid the strange seven-year-old boy with a runny nose who is also at the tire store and who thinks that it is fun to follow me around and mimic the things I do; and as I make no attempt to disguise the contempt and downright hatred I hold for this boy and his not-even-close-to-being-hot mother, I can’t help but think that the “End of Days” have passed me by. Oh well, at least we are all in it together.
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10 comments:
Rapture?
I didn't even kiss her.
You should have subscribed to our AAA+ rated Rapture Satisfaction Guarantee insurance program. It enrolls participants in all of the major religions and several minor ones as a means of hedging against theological risk.
Does either of you have older friends, ones who may give me and CoCoa and perhaps others some experiential insight as to when the burning contempt for all of humanity, which has taken years to get to this startling level, will peak?
I mean, I'm sure it must start to taper off at some point as one's inevitable mortality becomes solidified in the conscious mind--you know, kind of a "oh, well, the brakes are out so there's no point in steering now" realization.
I don't want to hate people so much, but I have to confess that I can stand almost no one. And there are six billion people in this place! You'd think statistics alone would shield you from such a swarm of shitheads.
When can I expect to not be bothered so much by them? After my first grandchild is born? I've got to know there's hope that my attitude towards people will change at some point and that this is just a characteristic of being forty and still renting.
DBok, right back atcha.
BTW, when you hate people, it is just self-loathing, only with others.
Remember that you consist of very few atoms from the baby you were born and just as many of Jesus and Hitler. That is why I refer to you as Hitler Jesus Baby.
Quit calling me names.
Where do you keep this atom factory of yours? I've got some better ideas for how to put it to good use.
what about the shoe-thrower? I was quite impressed with his force and accuracy.
And Bush's reactions? Nimble as the Panther that is Cocoa.
OneEar, Cocoa No Gogo & Doc Bok:
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year you and your loved ones!
Peace,
litzi
You, too, Litzi-onomous.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Has OneEar moved on to another dimension? He’s been noticeably absent for almost 3-weeks….
litzi
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